The Rhinestone Files

File #115

2009-05-07T11:38:00.001-07:00

Agent Rhinestone has packed up and moved to:

http://therhinestonefiles.tumblr.com/

xoxo!

File #114

2009-04-28T11:06:00.000-07:00

So... It seems as though Agent Rhinestone went through another one of those phases where she forgot to blog. I think it's because she really freaked herself out by changing her blog header. She really hates the look of how self-congratulatory it is. So please expect it to change like today.

In other news...
Something so weird has been happening in Agent Rhinestone's kitchen. There are birds living in the old vent/fan thingy. They are making babies in there or something. The birds are very active in the morning and sometimes Agent Rhinestone has to knock on the vent/fan thingy and tell them to shush!

see bird home below:

So... here's where it gets weird. Nobody believes that Agent Rhinestone has a bird family living in her kitchen. The birds have only made noise for 1 other person...Ultra. He came over to borrow Agent Rhinestone's french press the other morning and heard the birds being quite "active" in there. Nobody else has heard the birds. Agent Rhinestone's landlord won't even call her back. She tried to whittle the wood around the vent and pry it open but she has the upper body strength of a kitten. She was left bereft and panting after scraping at the area with a tiny bread knife. Besides.... what would she do if she did get the vent/fan thingy open. Maybe she could just tell the birds that they'd probably be much happier making babies in a green leafy tree or in a pink flowering bush.

File #113 Daily Candy!

2009-04-02T13:05:00.000-07:00

The Heavenly Spies in Daily Candy's weekend guide!

Plastique Couture Cabaret
What: Award-winning dance troupe The Heavenly Spies takes it off in mod revue of outlandish fashion, acrobatics, contemporary dance, and high-kicking hijinks.
Why: Hot couture.
When: Fri. & Sat., 7:30 & 10:30 p.m. Apr. 10-May 30, Fri., 10:30 p.m.
Where: Can Can, 92 Pike St., Pike Place Market (206-652-0832). Tickets online at brownpapertickets.com

Agent Rhinestone is just tickled pink! She loves Daily Candy! Sigh. Swoon.

File #112

2009-03-30T11:50:00.000-07:00

DON'T DAY!

File #111 iBurlesque.

2009-03-28T19:22:00.000-07:00

I guess Agent Rhinestone has been zoomed onto a new iPhone application. (Bad picture...oh dear.)
iBurlesque.

If one were to download this new application they could tilt their iPhone to the right and it would look like Agent Rhinestone's clothes came off. Wooo Hoooo! Wow. Wow. Great!!! Scantily clad via the cellular phone apple interwebnets.

#110 Gary.

2009-03-26T13:15:00.001-07:00

If Agent Rhinestone had one of these she would name it Gary. Gary would wear a small pink bow upon her curly tail and carry a lacy parasol. Rhinestone and Gary would take walks upon the shore in the summertime, eat leafy green salads and be life long friends.

File #109 Thursday Thoughts.

2009-03-26T10:42:00.000-07:00

Thought 1:
Agent Rhinestone secretly yearns that she could predict the future. Wouldn't life be a bit easier if you didn't have to wonder what was going to happen next? You would automatically know silly things like...
a. Should I get married to so and so.
b. Should I buy those ridiculously expensive shoes or will I lose my job tomorrow?
c. Should I cut my hair off or would I miss it?
d. Will my future baby be cute or slightly odd looking in the face?

Thought 2:
Rhinestone has recently decided that it is rather hard to be human. As a human girl (or woman or whatever) you are constantly having to navigate around other weird humans. Other weird humans have fears and insecurities and sometimes really bad senses of style. Some have no sense of humor- which is Rhinestone's least favorite quality. I mean- WOW humans. Don't humans.

Thought 3:
Aren't names weird? Your parents give you a name at birth.. which is really just a word and then you are expected to answer to that word for the rest of your life and you have absolutely no say in it. Wow.

Thought 4:
Lately Rhinestone's main response to anything is "Shush" or "Shh". Sometimes life is just hilarious. It's so funny you have to tell the person making you laugh to hush because you can't even stop laughing.

Thought 5:
Don't self. Shush.

File #108.

2009-03-20T10:19:00.000-07:00

Wow.

File #107 Dreaming, AGAIN!

2009-03-19T11:38:00.000-07:00

So...
Dream 1: Agent Rhinestone dreamt she had a baby that was an actual tiny cute girl with perfect outfits and teeth. She told Rhinestone gossip and brushed her hair.

Dream 2: Rhinestone's BF took her for a walk in LA. It was warm outside and everyone was driving in shiny convertibles. Mother's pushed their babies in prams made of new tan boot leather and everyone had giant cell phones. They walked and walked and ended up in a park... there were hundreds of french artist's with easels all drawing pictures of live models wearing Prada tunics, thigh high stockings and great shoes from last season's collection. Rhinestone and her BF looked at each other and laughed and began walking again. They ended their journey at a high rise apartment. Miss O had planned a birthday masquerade pot-luck dinner. Agent Rhinestone didn't know anyone at the party, but she was thankful for the giant table of vegan snacks.

So... Why does Agent Rhinestone keep dreaming about babies and high rise apartments. She is so freaked out.

File #106 Dreaming.

2009-03-18T11:22:00.000-07:00

Agent Rhinestone was dreaming like so much last night!

She dreamt she had 6 children. She took her 6 children to the roller skating rink and lost 1 of them... then realized her teenage son Shane (who designs Heavenly Spies posters in real life) had run off with some girl to smoke the pot. While Rhinestone was searching for him she ran into James Blonde who had decided to give her Walter the dog. Agent Rhinestone happily took the dog and renamed him "Walter the Amazing." Then she skipped down the street and ended up at a high rise apartment in Miami with her BF.

File #105 looking.

2009-03-17T12:48:00.000-07:00

Agent Rhinestone just got home from yoga class and is now sitting at her kitchen table eating carrots and peanut butter. She is sitting, snacking and looking around.

She sees:

1. sequins all over the kitchen floor.

2. 2 wine glasses drying on the dish rack.

3. juicy couture sunglasses that don't look quite right on, but somehow never end up in the give-away pile.

4. tiny temptations candles in the flavors: cinnamon cream cheese hearts, happy birthday vanilla and boysenberry vanilla. (Purchase some at your local grocer today- they smell fantastic.)

5. her new pink yoga pants. (Don't forever 21.)

Well- now she's bored of sitting and looking. Better knock on Sparkles door or start choreographing her solo for the new show....or cleaning up those sequins.

Well. Bye.

File #104 boot prob.

2009-03-16T23:19:00.000-07:00

It's a real problem now.... a real actual problem. Agent Rhinestone just purchased yet another pair of tan boots. How many pairs of tan or brown boots does one girl need?

And that's really all I have to say about that. OK.

File #103

2009-03-13T10:01:00.000-07:00

Last night The Spies performed one of their new acts at Moisture Festival. It felt equivalent to running a 4 minute mile while wearing a wig, fishnets, heels and a Lawrence Welk tunic... and.... ooof... Agent Rhinestone is tired today.

File #102 Plastique!

2009-03-10T12:03:00.000-07:00

The Heavenly Spies present: PLASTIQUE with special Guest Ultra at Can Can!

After four sold out runs at Can Can, the award winning cabaret dance troupe The Heavenly Spies are back with their all new show Plastique! Plastique is CABARETCOUTURE, combining contemporary dance, jazz, and Barbie Doll-esque fashion in dynamic choreography with attention to detail and finish. Members of the Heavenly Spies are Fancy Drew, Honey Sexpot, Agent Rhinestone and very special guest star Ultra. Known worldwide for their death-defying high kicks and gravity-defying hair, the Heavenly Spies are proud to present the mod, mod world of Plastique!

Friday nights at 10:30PM Opening in April.
Can Can 92 Pike St. Seattle 98102 (in the Pike Place Market.)
10:30PM (21+)
$10 General Admission / $15 day VIP
For reservations: 206.652.0832
www.thecancan.com

www.myspace.com/theheavenlyspies

About The Heavenly Spies: The Heavenly Spies joined forces in an underground assassin training camp outside Topeka, Kansas after finding a common love for both sleuthing and slinking. The girls were kicked out of assassin training after getting caught having a pillow fight in assassin secret headquarters, so they decided to leave the traditional constraints of espionage and join forces in sexpionage. Members of The Heavenly Spies are Agent Rhinestone (Former Sea Gal, Winner Best Duo Miss Exotic World Pageant and Cornish College of the Arts Graduate, Dance.) Honey Sexpot (Former Sea Gal and graduate of University of Washington.) Introducing Fancy Drew (Member of Scott Powell Performance, Former member of Fankick! and graduate of Cornish College of the Arts, Dance.) Their combined specialties include fishing for clues, fishnets, secret societies, Victoria’s Secret, venom tolerance and vodka tolerance!

About Can Can: Ringmaster Christopher Snell is creator of Can Can- Seattle's most celebrated, award winning nightspot in the city known nationally for its cutting edge performances (Voted Best of Seattle by- Seattle Magazine, Seattle Metro Magazine, City Search, AOL City Guide). Located in the heart of the Pike Place Market in Seattle, Can Can is recognized for extraordinary entertainment, food and libations in a comfortable, underground European style setting.

File #101 A summertime fashion study.

2009-03-09T12:42:00.000-07:00

Faggedy Randy:

Fancy Drew:

Agent Rhinestone:

Oh time of Summer.... you are so close! Get here soon so we can don our Madison Beach fashions and swim upon the glittery lake of Washington.

Photos courtesy of Fancy Drew.

File #100

2009-03-09T12:24:00.000-07:00

Happy 100th Blog entry.

Pour 1 down or out or whatever for my fabulous BFF's. I wish we were all together drinking champy with a straw and talking about clever topics....

File #99

2009-03-09T11:16:00.000-07:00

Agent Rhinestone woke up this morning with the distinct feeling of wanting to climb under a pink fluffy tulle rock. Why?

1. Drank too many Mango Mimosa's at BF's birthday party last night. (enough said.)

2. Shopped way too much at "forever 21" (forever 29) this week. Please note the yellow shopping bags peeking from behind the tulle on Agent Rhinestone's couch. (Yes- she knows plastic bags are bad for the environment.)

3. Don't stack of bills!

4. YES! Apache Bras for the new show! Aren't they tote beaut! Agent Rhinestone would gladly crawl out from underneath her pink rock to wear one of these bad boys!

5. Don't stack of bras that have yet to be bedazzled. Better crack open a bottle of Sofia Coppola and get to work.

6. Don't economy and the state of Agent Rhinestone's employment. At least she has more time to do things like shop for the new show and make up 8 counts of high kicks in her living room!

7. Sigh....

File #98 The Secret Pony.

2009-02-23T17:07:00.000-08:00

Many years ago Agent Rhinestone developed something called "The Secret Pony." If you are friends with Agent Rhinestone she has probably sat you down on more than one occasion and pulled your hair into one of these "secret pony's".

Definition:
Secret Pony SEA-KRET poh-knee
A small pony tail that uses hair collected from the temples. The hair is then pulled back into the tightest of tight pony tails and is fastened in the center of the back of the head. When the rest of the hair is worn down, half up or in a full pony... the secret pony becomes a hidden secret. The purpose of the secret pony is to pull the eyes back tight, creating a clean almost Asian look to face. The secret pony also provides a stable mid-section of the head- which one can use to fasten headdresses, ribbon or feather accessories, flowing hair pieces, barrettes, diamonds etc.

please see photo reference:
(please note the eyes are pulled back dramatically)

WARNING:
Sometimes the secret pony gets pulled back too tight thus creating the effect of an actual surgical procedure.

ouch!

File #97 Skippy.

2009-02-23T17:00:00.001-08:00

Agent Rhinestone met this tiny, chub, black squirrel while vacationing with her BF in Vancouver. His name is Skippy. He likes people, snacks and laughter. If Skippy were a person he'd compliment you on your hat and take down your email address so he could invite you to his branch for a cup of acorn tea.

Agent Rhinestone + Skippy = LOVE.

File #96 Portland Bound...

2009-02-19T09:30:00.000-08:00

The Spies are off to Portland this morning to visit with James Blonde and dance with the Sugar Q's at Hawthorne Theater.

Ta Ta for now....

Bon Voyage!

Sigh. It would be a perfect reunion if only Fancy Drew was home from her journey to Wyoming.

File #95 Spring 09!

2009-02-18T12:17:00.000-08:00

You are just beginning to see Spring merchandise in stores- peeking through the wintry ponchos, never ending scarves and ruffles of Fall 08. What style will you subscribe to?

Depression Chic: Agent Rhinestone says... "Wear this!" (but maybe leave the hat at home. It's too much for an every day look.) That dress is super cute!

Geometry Lessons: Agent Rhinestone says... : "Most likely, No." This is too high fashion... but you could find some dazzling mini dresses with a geometric patterned fabric. Just take it down a notch!

Goddess Worship: Agent Rhinestone says... "Of course!" You should totally don this look for like your upcoming nuptials or something. It would look great with a soft Kate Hudson-esque hairstyle.

Marrakesh Express: Agent Rhinestone says... "Yes! Do it." Take this look and add a Native American spin. Wear a flowy tunic and some fringy sandals and call it a great day!

Sporting Goods: Agent Rhinestone says "NO!" Spandex is great for the gym or yoga class or even in a full length pant but not a biker short. Biker shorts are bad even if you are on a bike.

Trash and Vaudeville: Agent Rhinestone is kinda feeling these trashy looking shorts. Throw on your favorite pair of boots and this look is good to go anywhere. (Just make sure you use a touch of self tanner on your legs first.)

File #94 Agent Rhinestone + James Blonde Reunion Tour begins tomorrow.

2009-02-18T10:23:00.000-08:00

The James Blonde'll come out
Tomorrow
Bet your sequin'd bottom dollar
That tomorrow
There'll be James Blonde!
Just thinkin' about
Tomorrow
Clears away the sparkle cobwebs,
And the sorrow
'Til there's none!
When I'm stuck with a day
That's pink,
And lonely,
I just stick out my eyelashes
And grin,
And say,
Oh......
The James Blonde'll come out
Tomorrow
So ya gotta hang on
Tïll tomorrow
Come what may
Tomorrow!
Tomorrow!
I love her
Tomorrow!
She's always
A day
A way!

Agent Rhinestone Age: 14. OH MY! Her arms are still just as skinny. Oh Great.

File #93 cute, cuter, cutest...

2009-02-17T17:17:00.000-08:00

so cute, sigh.

File #92 "Plastique"

2009-02-17T14:05:00.000-08:00

Friday April 3 at Can Can, 10:30 PM!
The Heavenly Spies will debut their newest cabaret show entitled "Plastique" with special guest Ultra!
Plastique contains all the elements girl-dom: pink, prancing, dancing, dazzling, barbies, bombshells, tutu's, tulle...to name a few...

The girls just completed a fab photo shoot... stay tuned for their latest poster!

stay tuned for more details!

File #91 Some things to look forward to:

2009-02-12T14:58:00.000-08:00

1. Sunday. The day she is zooming to Vancouver on a train in the name of romance.

2. Thursday (a week from today). The much anticipated day that she will reunite with James Blonde and perform with the Sugar Q's at Portland's very own Hawthorne Theater.

3. Friday (a week and one day from today). The day she will stil be in Portland... Zooming fun + snacks + adventure with her BF and BFF's.

4. The first Friday in April when the Spies new show "Plastique" will open at Can Can.

5. Easter Sunday. That's always fun, right? (An excuse to drink Mimosa's pretty early in the morning and stuff.)

5. Ummmm- Summer time? The time when Faggedy Randy will don his hot pink mankini and Agent Rhinestone will lay in the warm sunshine under her hat named "gossip girl."

File #90

2009-02-12T14:57:00.000-08:00

Agent Rhinestone thinks this is super creepy!

I mean... What!

File #89 so great. wow.

2009-02-06T13:15:00.001-08:00

Agent Rhinestone had forgotten what a great dancer Paula used to be. sigh.

File #88 Wrong side of the bed.

2009-02-04T11:19:00.000-08:00

Today Agent Rhinestone awoke on the wrong side of the bed. According to the Romans the wrong side of the bed is the left side.
Who knew?

Agent Rhinestone has been sleeping on the left side of her bed for over a year now. This means that everyday she wakes up on the wrong side.

This may call for a complete bedroom makeover.

Perhaps it wasn't the wrong side of the bed at all... Perhaps she's grumpy because she spray painted 3 pairs of Heavenly Spy costume shoes bubblegum pink last night. It was far too cold to go outside... so she sprayed them right there in the kitchen. The fumes may have wafted into her bedroom causing her to wake up on what seemed to be the wrong side of the bed.

Something to consider...

File #87 The lost art of skipping time.

2009-02-03T14:45:00.000-08:00

If you don't count today... it will be only 16 days until Agent Rhinestone is reunited with James Blonde.

If you don't count tomorrow it will only be 15... and if you pretty much skip this week- because it's practically over (if your not counting tomorrow)...Agent Rhinestone will see James Blonde in only 11 days. If you skip next week- which you may as well do because it already feels like it's practically Valentines Day....
and you don't have to count February 14th, 15th and 16th- because Agent Rhinestone will be on a romantic get-away with her BF...and she won't even be noticing the time!

SO... If you just go ahead and skip all that time... Agent Rhinestone will see James Blonde in just 2 days.

She can't wait!

File #86 Agent Rhinestone the Sexpert.

2009-02-03T13:38:00.001-08:00

File #85 and the story continues...

2009-01-30T11:03:00.000-08:00

Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, the woman teaching us the dance combo walked in. Jess and I exchanged knowing glances.
“Whoa bangs!”
Her bangs were teased into a claw that I hadn’t seen since 1988. She flashed us a big toothy smile and immediately launched into a series of kicks, turns, pivots and thrusts.
We were trapped; trapped in Casino Show Girl audition hell. It was just us and Greg Thompson’s man parts.
The audition was being held in a dilapidated old scene shop on Elliot Avenue. Paint cans littered the circumference of the room and 2 inches of dust and glitter were caked on the floor like adobe. There were about 100 of us girls crammed into the room. We all looked somewhat the same but somehow I felt all wrong and out of sorts. My character shoes were too low and squat, my tights were too cheap and although I was 5’5” and only weighed 102 pounds I felt like a little sausage stuffed and pinched into my all wrong outfit.
I somehow got over my physical discomfort and managed to focus on the choreography being taught by the toothy and banged blonde. The dance was pretty easy. 5,6,7,8 and passé and pivot and shake your ass and smile and wink and shake your ass….
“Now this,” I said to myself “is something I can do. Thank god for those 4 years as a high school cheerleader.”
My thoughts were interrupted…
“All right Girls,” Booms Greg Thompson, “get into a line.”
He then proceeded to split us up into 10 groups according to our height. I landed in group number 3. Jess and I were separated. We zoomed straight into doing the combination group by group. There were 16 counts of “free dance” before the set combo began. This is a common thing at auditions; they want to see what length you’ll go to draw attention to yourself. I felt a little sheepish at first, but soon enough I joined in with the best of them.
“Whoop, Whoop,” I startled myself by whooping out some kind of crazy mating club call.
I wiggled, body rolled, thrusted and shimmied. I was officially wearing my cleavage like jewelry and offering it right up to Greg Thompson. If my Mother had been there as a fly on the wall- she’d have been proud. I finished my freestyle with ease and shot straight into the choreographed dance. I imagined that I was a young Mistinguett and paraded myself like a tiny poodle on a rhinestone leash. My legs kicked, whizzing past my face and my moves were perfect- it felt so natural as if I had emerged from the womb with jazz hands. As my body moved, my mind was shocked.
“Who am I and what happened to the old me. She was here a minute ago.”
After about 45 minutes of dancing, group after group, repeating the same set of steps; Greg cut over half of the girls. Luckily Jess and I made it into the new line of show girl hopefuls. The rest of the girls were asked to leave. They looked somewhat relieved as they gathered up their water bottles and dance bags and high tailed it out of that sweaty scene shop.
“Let me just look at ya’all.” Said Greg.
I pondered standing pigeon toed so my legs would appear smaller. Oops. Too late.
“OK, let me take a look at your backsides.” Said Greg
“Oh Fuck.” I mouthed to my friend and only alibi Jess.
I quickly sent mental messages to my ass to perk up, but I’m pretty sure she just hung back there.
“You should all get higher heals, it makes the back side view a little sweater.” He said while chuckling and making sex eyes at “Miss Blonde (twenty-something) America.” She let out a triumphant squeak and blushed at his obvious approval of her perfectly high heals and ass. I turned and tried to see how my own butt looked, but I couldn’t even see it. The audition had started to look dismal from where I stood.
To my great surprise Jess and I were put into the remaining group of 7. She looked at me and rolled her eyes. She looked like she was enjoying this even less that I was. Then something in me clicked. The music started and I found myself shoving girls out of my way so I could get to the front. I winked and looked directly into Greg’s eyes. That job was gonna be mine.

File #84

2009-01-22T15:22:00.001-08:00

Well... until the cookie shop works out...
Rhinestone has decided to write a book about all of her adventures as a dancer.
She started writing today...

The Showgirl:

I looked to my right and saw a bobbing brunette stuffed into a red leotard, tan dancer fishnets and the tallest character shoes I’d ever seen. To my left was “Miss Blonde (twenty-something) America” jammed into even higher tan character shoes. I looked down at myself; boobs pushed and squeezed and padded. My Mom once told me to wear my cleavage like jewelry- so I was giving it my best shot. All I really yearned for was to be just like Jennifer Beals from Flashdance. All I really wanted to do was do well in this audition and dance.
“Smile Fae.” I thought to myself.
“This show girl shit pays $600 a week, who cares if it’s in a cheesy casino near the Seattle airport.”
My thoughts were pulled away from me by the site of the man holding the audition, Greg Thompson. He was dressed head to toe in black, sitting with his legs slightly spread. His bunched man parts were practically smiling at me through his satiny trouser pants. His hair was almost white and groomed into an immaculate wispy Elvis poof. His sharp edged collar stood erect around his pudgy face and his tiny eyes scanned the room in search of the perfect pair of breasts.
Unbeknownst to me my eyelashes began fluttering flirtatiously in his direction.
“Who am I” I thought.
My skin crawled secretly underneath my 98 cent pantyhose. I remained calm on the outside. I’d been dancing all my life, I was about to graduate from college with a BFA in Dance. I was better than this. I was a real dancer, not a show girl. I could do this in circles around these other girls, right? I locked eyes with my best friend Jess. I’d drug her to the audition with me. We were both tired of living off student loans and evening retail jobs. We were going to make money dancing!
My thoughts were distracted once again as the choreographer walked into the room. Mistinguette. She was just like Cher. She only needed one name. Her 3 inch lavender finger nails gleamed like tiny daggers against her dramatic black pashmina. Her hair was blonde and cut short like Annie Lennox. Her makeup was black and red in all the right places and she looked around the room like she’d eat us for lunch if she was hungry, which I’m sure she wasn’t. Dancers don’t usually eat- especially these kinds of dancers. I imagined myself in 20 years donning the same sort of get-up and it made me smile. She looked scary, but she was a stone cold fox… or at the very least a stone cold cougar!
Jess and I looked at each other and mouthed the words…
“Oh my God!”

to be continued...

File #83 Cookies?

2009-01-20T16:12:00.000-08:00

Today... Agent Rhinestone wishes that she Fancy, Honey, James and Nightingale owned a cookie shop... called something like... "Cookie."

They could come to work every morning wearing cute matching aprons and spend all day baking warm-sweet snacks, meeting new characters and giving away free samples to customers with cute shoes.

They could close up shop at 5 and go for happy hour and then come home to their cute husbands or Latin lovers or BF'S.

Their houses would all be next door to each other and they could talk on walkie talkies and lend each other cups of sugar or stop by when there was nothing to do on a Saturday afternoon...

On the weekend nights they would all dance together in a fancy pink nightclub and on Sunday mornings they'd all go out for brunch and the sun would always be shining.

They would say things like..."Pizazz! Fun! Tell me more! I love you! Cute! and Lunch?"

They would live happily ever after... all in the same tree lined town!

File #82 Inauguration Celebration.

2009-01-14T15:49:00.000-08:00

This morning BF Rhinestone and Agent Rhinestone were awoken at 7:45AM by Faggedy Randy dressed up as a little Indian. Randy pounced on the bed and jostled the sleeping couple awake!

Oh great.

BF and Rhinestone immediately donned their matching sweats and tennis-esque sweatbands and went downstairs to cook a breakfast of blueberry pancakes, a dong-looking meat product, scrambled eggs, toast and mimosas.

Soon after... Fancy Drew arrived followed by Johnny Boy, Rainbow and Sean. The crew cuddled in BF Rhinestone's man style living room and watched Barack Obama- as he was sworn into presidency.

Thank Goddelcakes! Swoon! Sigh! Hearts! Stars!

Agent Rhinestone just loves her some Obama in the morning... especially when it's coupled with juicy champagne, snuggling on the couch and tiny tears of joy shared with friends.

Obama... MY HERO!

File #81. Agent Rhinestone looks kinda like this today...

2009-01-14T11:38:00.000-08:00

She woke up with giantly wild hair...managed to throw on what seems to be an outfit that includes floral prints, animal prints, browns, blacks, belts, cardigans, 2 pairs of socks, leggings and a coat and 1 pair of boots. Agent Rhinestone looks a little tired in the eyes so she topped the look off with a giant pair of red Dior sunglasses.

Hopefully Agent Rhinestone doesn't get photographed by the fashion police... actually that could be mildly interesting.

c'est la vie!

File #80. She's got noth'n folks.

2009-01-08T13:27:00.000-08:00

Agent Rhinestone has absolutely nothing to say.

Here are some things that aren't really worth reporting on:

Last night when Agent Rhinestone was driving home from Can Can she saw an actual large rat run across the street. Sick. When she got home she took a 4 minute bubble bath. She got too hot.

On Saturday night she and Honey Sexpot performed at a 60th Wedding Anniversary. It was so cute to see two 84 year olds still SO married and in love! sigh...
(Agent Rhinestone wondered if 84 year olds still "ya know.")

Also pretty soon Agent Rhinestone needs to buy about $500 worth of long sleeved shirts + sweaters. She has like nothing to wear but mini dresses and you can't wear mini dresses all the time. Can you?

Oh and one marginally cool thing is that Agent Rhinestone is going to be shooting an infomercial this Thursday. Soon enough she'll be seen on the late night TV... washing cars, clad in Khaki shorts. Sick!

File #79 New Year's eve photo journal.

2009-01-06T17:43:00.001-08:00

Agent Rhinestone performed at Can Can in "Bling in the New Year."

with Faggedy Randy (filling in for James Blonde) and the always lovely Miss Honey Sexpot.

The audience included an all star BFF cast:

Fancy Drew:

Sparkle:

James Blonde(Brown):
(please note: we like to make funny faces on New Years.)

N. Noir:

and of course all of The Heavenly Guys were there too...

File #78 Death by carrot stick.

2009-01-06T14:25:00.000-08:00

Well- upon waking this morning Agent Rhinestone decided she should probably take a cue from Fancy Drew and start a 2009 work out regime.

Day 1 includes: Extreme Body Sculpt Explosion class at Rain Fitness and death by a lunch of carrot sticks.

File #77 2008/2009

2009-01-05T13:40:00.000-08:00

2008 was kind of a sh** storm for Agent Rhinestone and her BFF counterparts.

It was complete with.. (in no particular order...)
-divorce
-moving to the other side of the country
-financial crisis
-saturn returns

to name a few...

What 2008 did was set us all up for a brilliant 2009. This is the year Agent Rhinestone and Fancy Drew turn 30. The year Obama will jam into the white house and stir up some glittery world lovliness. The year that Rhinestone will probably take some kind of fantastical vacation with some or all of her BFF's. The year James Blonde will have a wild adventure in the Big Apple. The year Honey Sexpot will buy everything she wants at West Elm. The year Nightingale Noir will feel cozy in her new home with her cute little family. The year Fancy Drew will have a new zoomed Madonna body. The year that Sparkle will realize how wonderful he is! The year that BF Rhinestone will figure out the true meaning of life balance. This is the year that Rhinestone will probably write a novel, learn a little more about herself, change her hair color, visit James Blonde in New York, remember that she loves to dance and a whole lot of other things....

Stay tuned!

File #76 something bad.

2008-12-23T11:36:00.001-08:00

Well- something bad is that Agent Rhinestone's UGG's melted. She set them next to the heater to dry after a particularly long walk in the snow and forgot about them. The next morning one of her UGG's was twisted into some sort of clubbed looking foot shoe glob blob.

Oh dear.
Agent Rhinestone may be exaggerating just a tad for dramatic effect. I mean- she can still wear them they just feel kind of weird.

In other news:
Has anyone ever heard of "Wrap Rage"?
Wrap rage (or wrapping rage or package rage) is the common name for heightened levels of anger, frustration and violence resulting from the inability to open hard-to-remove packaging.[1]

This seems very bad! A lot of holiday accidents occur because people actually injur themselves as a result of wrap rage.
Holiday tip #1:
Please be careful. If you feel yourself becoming weirdly rageful- put down the packaging and have a spot of cider or a glass of vodka... or something!!!

File #75... brrrr...Snow Day #6???

2008-12-23T11:12:00.000-08:00

Rhinestone has lost track of how many days the Seattle streets have been absolutely covered in snow. The mornings have been full of powdery tromps to the Vivace for coffee- the evenings complete with slippery sloped walks to the movie store and hours spent nestled indoors with BF Rhinestone, Fancy D and Sparkle. Even Mr. and Ms. Sexpot zoomed over from West Seattle to partake in the city's wintry wonderland. Sledding down Denny in kiddie pools or atop garbage bags, old street signs and boogie boards...is the perfect way to spend an evening.

Now Rhinestone will attempt to brave SeaTac airport... for the hopefully short trip home to California. She can't wait to see her lovely, lovey little family.

Before leaving... Rhinestone has just got to finish wrapping gifts!

This years gift wrapping designs will include:

Recycled Salmon colored wrapping paper.

Black Satin Ribbons.

Vintage inspired silver glitter'd gift tags...

Tres Holiday... So recycled chic!

File #74 SNOW!

2008-12-18T11:18:00.001-08:00

Agent Rhinestone and Fancy Drew just returned from a 2 hour walk in the snow. Rhinestone fell into the splits while tromping down a hill- but managed to keep a good hold on her soy latte.

Fancy fell down a hill and slid all the way down... Rhinestone cried actual tears from laughing.

Snow tip #1... Always wear a dark coat in the snow. This will allow you to see the beautiful individual flakes more clearly. They'll fall on your coat perfect and sparkly. They melt within seconds- so be sure to keep a close watch.

Snow tip #2... You don't really need to wear blush- because your cheeks will get rosy naturally from the cold air. (Agent Rhinestone made that mistake this morning. She looked like a sleepy Grandma.)

Well that's all for now.
...Time to look out the window or perhaps take an other little tromp outdoors.

File #73 Let it SNOW!

2008-12-17T15:08:00.000-08:00

Agent Rhinestone has turned into somewhat of a weather girl... with a little help from weather.com of course...

It was supposed to snow last night and all day today. Fancy Drew got to take the whole day off work because all the Seattle schools were closed. But... there is still no snow!

When is the snow coming? When can Rhinestone don her snow gear? When will an actual beautiful little flake drop upon her brow? Let it SNOW!!!

File #72 Stop the Romantic Comedy...

2008-12-16T15:27:00.000-08:00

According to Wikipedia: Romantic comedy films, colloquially known as romcom, are movies with light-hearted, humorous plotlines, centered around romantic ideals such as a true love able to surmount most obstacles. Romantic comedy films are a sub-genre of comedy films as well as of romance films.

Agent Rhinestone has been watching too many romantic comedies. For most people this would not be a problem... but it has given Agent Rhinestone grandiose ideas about love and relationships. She's constantly waiting for the fancy love surprise at the end of a long bad day.

Where is the man in the limo under her apartment window... playing opera music and holding roses... waiting to take her off to some giant fun life situation?

Oh great...

Where is a prince on a unicorn when you need it?

sniffle, sniffle, tear....

File #71. Brr....

2008-12-16T11:31:00.000-08:00

Are you there God?
It's me Agent Rhinestone. I'm wearing 3 pairs of socks and UGG's... a giant leopard coat and I'm still just freeze'n.

When you get a chance... can you turn the heat back on...

Sincerly,

Agent R.

File #70. goodbye facebook!

2008-12-10T19:30:00.000-08:00

Agent Rhinestone has decided she may be ready to begin exploring the lost art of letter writing and talking on the phone...

In other words... she has decided to delete her facebook profile. Anonymous is the new famous.

File # 69. Christmas in Rhinestone Land.

2008-12-10T12:20:00.000-08:00

'Twas a few weeks before Christmas, when all through the flat...

Not a creature was stirring, not even a cat;

The stockings were hung by the bar with care,In hopes that someone named James Blonde soon would be there;

Agent Rhinestone, Sparkle and Fancy Drew were nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of glittery trees and balls danced in their heads...

Time for Agent Rhinestone to settle in for a long winters nap.

zzzz....

File #68 update.

2008-12-08T17:59:00.000-08:00

Just in case anyone was wondering....

Agent Rhinesotne's new earplugs arrived the other day. They are really cute but they don't work at all! I guess it's back to the 33 decibel, bright orange, squishy fuglies.

Maybe the tassle'd Audrey ones could be used for a costume or something.... earplug pasties?

File #67 Voicemail for landlord.

2008-12-08T17:47:00.000-08:00

Agent Rhinestone: Hi, This is Fae from The Martha Lee and I was just calling because....
my bathroom sink makes this really loud noise when you turn on the hot water and...
my shower water just turns off right in the middle of my shower and...
the tank in the back of my toilet doesn't really seem to fill up with water unless you pull some hangy thing back there.... and so... I think there may be some sort of plumbing situation going on- but I'm not sure.
Oh.... and my freezer still doesn't work.... which is kind of weird.

So... just like give me a call when you get a chance and have a great day!

Click!

File #66. Which Baby Monkey is your favorite?

2008-12-04T15:43:00.001-08:00

1. The almost human looking newborn?

2. The flying monkey?

3. The baby twin finger grabbers?

4.The one in the questionable pose?

5.The tiny almost real fashionista human baby monkey?

6. or... The monkey with the nice Grandpa man?

Agent Rhinestone chooses option 1. He looks nice and would probably be okay with wearing a pink sequin'd dress and riding piggy back around the new wing of Southcenter Mall!

Monkey's are the new puppies! Go with it!

File #65 Christmas?

2008-12-03T11:06:00.000-08:00

Agent Rhinestone is feeling a bit out of touch with the holiday spirit this year. All she really wants to do is pack up her Louis Vuitton luggage and hit the beaches of Mexico.
Madonna just kicked off her Latin American tour... Why shouldn't Agent Rhinestone?

In conclusion...
Miss Rhinestone is now accepting gifts of giant diamonds, pink ostrich feathers, baby lambs or puppies, designer string bikinis and travel vouchers to Puerto Vallarta.

sigh....

File #64 Agent Rhinestone left MySpace....

2008-12-02T15:22:00.000-08:00

After many years of clacking away on myspace..Agent Rhinestone is officially done!

She would like to bid people like Mathew... a not so fond farewell...

File #63 Thanksgiving in California...

2008-12-02T11:25:00.000-08:00

Agent Rhinestone cooked dinner while Ma Rhinestone set the table:

She danced with Brother Skylar in the kitchen (sorry the video is sideways.):

Spent almost every second with Sister Lil' Z and the new kitten Lucy:

She and Mamma Rhinestone spent hours in the kitchen talking (we love to sit in the kitchen):

Found pictures of herself when she was just a little Rhinestone:

And... found pictures of her brother and sis when they were teensy:

And... wished for a house just like her Mother's someday...so shabby chic!

And...last but not least- she tried to eat the kitten. She's so small and cute!:

File #62 The Heavenly Spies in Maybe Manic? with the Castaway's at The Triple Door!

2008-12-02T11:20:00.000-08:00

Just in case you didn't know....now ya know!

After 6 month, SOLD OUT run at Can Can in the Pike Place Market, Can Can Presents brings MAYBE MANIC? to the Tripledoor mainstage. The Castaway's are known for their patented hybridization of flamenco, belly dance, neo-burlesque, hip-hop, and acrobatics. This rapid-fire explosion of raw sexiness, athleticism and showmanship will leave you...MAYBE MANIC? Featuring choreography by Rainbow Fletcher and an all star cast of all your favorite Castaways including Herr Doppelganger, Jonny Boy, Rainbow, Benihana, Fuchsia Foxxx, & Faggedy Randy!
The Castaway’s are joined by very special guests Exotic World Winning burlesque troupe The Heavenly Spies, known for their death-defying high kicks and gravity-defying hair!

Thursday 12.04.08
The Triple Door, Mainstage
7PM (18+) / 9:30PM (21+)
$19 adv / $25 day of
To make reservations:
Box Office: 206.838.4333

www.thetripledoor.net

File #61 Spies on TV.

2008-11-17T11:58:00.000-08:00

So the Spies were on TV last night! Steven Fry in America!

If you start watching around 3 minutes into the video...it's all about The Can Can!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d_AhObUoMfw&feature=related

We're like famous... kind of!

xo.

file #60 trying to zzzzzzzzzzz.....

2008-11-05T12:23:00.000-08:00

Agent Rhinestone has come across the need to wear earplugs...her tote presh BF sometimes snores a little...or a lot...
Anyway...this morning she decided to re-watch "Breakfast at Tiffany's". She had completely forgotten that Miss Holly Golightly has almost impeccable sleep fashion sense... nude with all the right accessories! (please note... Agent Rhinestone refuses to sleep nude...I mean..what if there was a fire???)

Anyway...Anyway...Anyway...

Agent Rhinestone found her very own pair of fashionable tasseled earplugs on the internets...

Goodbye bad...

Hello Fab!

File #59 It's like Valley of the Dolls all up in here...AGAIN!

2008-11-02T13:43:00.000-08:00

Sometimes life is exhausting...
After planning Shimmy the Vote, doing 2 shows of Viva Oz Vegas on Halloween, staying out way too late, an unfortunate run in with a spray tan machine, countless rehearsals, economy blahs, 2 weeks of total weirdness at work, BFF moving to NYC this Tuesday and other unmentionable little life dramas...

Agent Rhinestone is ready to take 2-3 Tylenol PM's and hit the satin sheets.

P.S James Blonde I miss you already!

File #58 Shimmy the Vote!

2008-11-02T13:09:00.000-08:00

Shimmy The Vote!
The Heavenly Spies + Ultra present red, white and boobs at Chop Suey.
Nov. 3rd Doors at 8:PM Show at 9:PM (the eve of elections)
$5 at the door + donations

Proceeds will be donated to Planned Parenthood in Sarah Palin’s name.

www.ticketweb.com

1325 E Madison St Seattle

Hosted By:
Ben De La Crème as Sarah Palin

EmpROAR Fabulous
Lady Sparrow
Shanghai Pearl
Lucky Penny
Sydni Devereux
Iva Handfull
Belle Cozette
Pigeon from the Von Foxies
Sassy DeLure
The Castaway’s
Inga Ingénue
Queen Shmooquan
The Heavenly Spies + Ultra

File #57 Oh Great!

2008-10-09T13:22:00.000-07:00

Holly and Hugh broke up! What is this world even coming to? If Agent Rhinestone were Hugh Hefner...she totally would have zoomed into marraige with Holly! She's the best of all the girlfriends. This is just tragic.

Oh dear...first the economy and now this!
sigh.

File #56 Baby Got Barack!

2008-10-08T11:43:00.000-07:00

File #55 What are these videos?

2008-10-07T11:23:00.000-07:00

Self as a doll?

File #54 Agent Rhinestone + Warm 106.9

2008-10-07T10:54:00.000-07:00

So this may come as a shock to those who don't know Agent Rhinestone but...
she is a huge fan of listening to Warm 106.9 when she is driving home at night.

It's not the music... it's Delilah. From 7PM to 12AM- you can listen to 'Love Songs with Delilah"

... people call in from all over the country to get advice from her. She knows all about things like Jesus, loved ones in Iraq, husbands, childrens, Kenny G's... She knows all about everything Agent Rhinestone knows nothing about....it's just fascinate'n.

Just the other day Agent Rhinestone was talking with her BFF Nightingale Noir about Delilah... come to find out.... Noir can do an almost prefect impersonation!

Anyway- Agent Rhinestone got to thinking about Delilah this morning and all the good she does on the radio... come to find out (thank you wikipedia)... she's a total fox (kind of!)

Not only is she a partial fox....she's a single mother of 10 adopted children. She's kind of like a Brad and Angelina combo, but with more kids and shorter skirts.

Tres Americana!

So trashy chic!

File #53 Viva Oz Vegas

2008-09-30T14:24:00.000-07:00

Come see The Heavenly Spies in Viva Oz Vegas!

P.S. Hoepfully Agent Rhinestone doesn't look quite this mean, scary and psycho in real life.
(Oh dear)

File #52 Cute.

2008-09-25T17:34:00.000-07:00

Agent Rhinestone is like every other girl. She likes things that are small and cute. Below are some things that are both small and cute.

Here's a tiny little animal resting near something pink. so cute.

Here's a real life chub dog...next to a fake chub dog. so cute.

Here's an animal that is both cute and creepy, sucking on somthing that looks pretty weird. so cute.

Here are the Heavenly Spies when they were babies.

Here is what Agent Rhinestone feels like today.

File #51 zzzz.

2008-09-24T12:00:00.000-07:00

Is it time to get back in bed and read Twilight yet?
Oh dear.

File #50 Agent Rhinestone is a sad lamb.

2008-09-23T11:20:00.000-07:00

Dear JB.

Words choke in Agent Rhinestone’s throat when she imagines what it will be like to have you on the other side of the country. It’s unbearable.

BEST FRIENDS FOREVER!

File #49 Brother Rhinestone in love?

2008-09-22T17:44:00.001-07:00

Agent Rhinestone's brother Skylar is all grown up, complete with a new girlfriend! They took a class trip to the fair and rode on the rides together... the next weekend Mamma Rhinestone took them on a date to the movies.

Agent Rhinestone can't help but tear up a little whenever she looks at this picture. Sklyar is just the sunshine of her life and to see him with that proud little smile is simply heart melting.

File #48 Fall is in the air.

2008-09-22T16:31:00.000-07:00

For the first time in months Agent Rhinestone woke up in the night feeling a little chilly in her little apartment for 1. She had to fumble in the dark and find her stash of extra warm quilts hidden in the hall closet.
Summer is officially over.
Agent Rhinestone is actually feeling quite pleased. She's almost completely ready for the winter months.

She has recently purchased new fall boots- that like totally embrace her inner cowgirl:

She's ordered new metalic UGG's... just in case her inner cowgirl get's sleepy:

Well- at least Agent Rhinestone's feet are ready. (Not sure about the rest of her. )

Stay tuned... handbags and coats are next on the shopping list.

File #47 James Blonde made her do it...

2008-09-19T17:07:00.000-07:00

James Blonde has requested that all of her readers post the below list of snacks into their own blogs and bold all the items they have eaten...

So here it goes...A list (in bold) of snacks Agent Rhinestone has tried...
1. Venison
2. Nettle tea
3. Huevos rancheros
4. Steak tartare
5. Crocodile
6. Black pudding
7. Cheese fondue
8. Carp
9. Borscht
10. Baba ghanoush
11. Calamari
12. Pho
13. PB&J sandwich
14. Aloo gobi
15. Hot dog from a street cart(tofu hot dogs)
16. Epoisses
17. Black truffle
18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes
19. Steamed pork buns
20. Pistachio ice cream
21. Heirloom tomatoes
22. Fresh wild berries
23. Foie gras
24. Rice and beans (Mamma Rhinestone's fave snack)
25. Brawn, or head cheese
26. Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper
27. Dulce de leche
28. Oysters
29. Baklava
30. Bagna cauda
31. Wasabi peas
32. Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl
33. Salted lassi
34. Sauerkraut
35. Root beer float
36. Cognac with a fat cigar
37. Clotted cream tea
38. Vodka + Jell-O
39. Gumbo
40. Oxtail
41. Curried goat
42. Whole insects (not on purpose)
43. Phaal
44. Goat’s milk (brother Rhinestone loved goats milk as a baby)
45. Malt whisky from a bottle worth £60/$120 or more
46. Fugu
47. Chicken tikka masala
48. Eel
49. Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut
50. Sea urchin
51. Prickly pear
52. Umeboshi
53. Abalone
54. Paneer
55. McDonald’s Big Mac Meal
56. Spaetzle (ha ha)
57. Dirty gin martini
58. Beer above 8% ABV
59. Poutine
60. Carob chips
61. S’mores
62. Sweetbreads
63. Kaolin
64. Currywurst
65. Durian
66. Frogs’ legs
67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake
68. Haggis
69. Fried plantain
70. Chitterlings, or andouillette
71. Gazpacho
72. Caviar and blini
73. Louche absinthe (almost killed Agent Rhinestone in Germany)
74. Gjetost, or brunost
75. Roadkill
76. Baijiu
77. Hostess Fruit Pie
78. Snail
79. Lapsang souchong
80. Bellini
81. Tom yum
82. Eggs Benedict
83. Pocky
84. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant.
85. Kobe beef
86. Hare
87. Goulash
88. Flowers
89. Horse
90. Criollo chocolate
91. Spam
92. Soft shell crab
93. Rose harissa
94. Catfish
95. Mole poblano
96. Bagel and lox
97. Lobster Thermidor
98. Polenta
99. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee
100. Snake

Whoa, oh Snack Attack!

File #46 Don't Sarah Palin, Don't.

2008-09-17T16:22:00.001-07:00

Agent Rhinestone requests that you read the below article about Sarah Palin and take into consideration the future of our world and all of it's creatures.

Eve Ensler, the American playwright, performer,
feminist and activist best known for 'The Vagina
Monologues', wrote the following about Sarah Palin:

Drill, Drill, Drill
I am having Sarah Palin nightmares. I dreamt last
night that she was a member of a club where they rode
snowmobiles and wore the claws of drowned and starved
polar bears around their necks. I have a particular
thing for Polar Bears. Maybe it's their snowy
whiteness or their bigness or the fact that they live
in the arctic or that I have never seen one in person
or touched one. Maybe it is the fact that they live
so comfortably on ice. Whatever it is, I need theM
polar bears.

I don't like raging at women. I am a Feminist and have
spent my life trying to build community, help empower
women and stop violence against them. It is hard to
write about Sarah Palin. This is why the Sarah Palin
choice was all the more insidious and cynical. The
people who made this choice count on the goodness and
solidarity of Feminists.

But everything Sarah Palin believes in and practices
is antithetical to Feminism which for me is part of
one story -- connected to saving the earth, ending
racism, empowering women, giving young girls options,
opening our minds, deepening tolerance, and ending
violence and war.

I believe that the McCain/Palin ticket is one of the
most dangerous choices of my lifetime, and should this
country chose those candidates the fall-out may be so
great, the destruction so vast in so many areas that
America may never recover. But what is equally
disturbing is the impact that duo would have on the
rest of the world. Unfortunately, this is not a joke.
In my lifetime I have seen the clownish, the inept,
the bizarre be elected to the presidency with
regularity.

Sarah Palin does not believe in evolution. I take this
as a metaphor. In her world and the world of
Fundamentalists nothing changes or gets better or
evolves. She does not believe in global warming. The
melting of the arctic, the storms that are destroying
our cities, the pollution and rise of cancers, are all
part of God's plan. She is fighting to take the polar
bears off the endangered species list. The earth, in
Palin's view, is here to be taken and plundered. The
wolves and the bears are here to be shot and
plundered. The oil is here to be taken and plundered.
Iraq is here to be taken and plundered. As she said
herself of the Iraqi war, 'It was a task from God.'

Sarah Palin does not believe in abortion. She does not
believe women who are raped and incested and ripped
open against their will should have a right to
determine whether they have their rapist's baby or
not.

She obviously does not believe in sex education or
birth control. I imagine her daughter was practicing
abstinence and we know how many babies that makes.

Sarah Palin does not much believe in thinking. From
what I gather she has tried to ban books from the li
brary, has a tendency to dispense with people who
think independently. She cannot tolerate an
environment of ambiguity and difference. This is a
woman who could and might very well be the next
president of the United States. She would govern one
of the most diverse populations on the earth.

Sarah believes in guns. She has her own custom
Austrian hunting rifle. She has been known to kill 40
caribou at a clip. She has shot hundreds of wolves
from the air.

Sarah believes in God. That is of course her right,
her private right. But when God and Guns come together
in the public sector, when war is declared in God's
name, when the rights of women are denied in his name,
that is the end of separation of church and state and
the undoing of everything America has ever tried to
be.

I write to my sisters. I write because I believe we
hold this election in our hands. This vote is a vote
that will determine the future not just of the U.S.,
but of the planet. It will determine whether we create
policies to save the earth or make it forever
uninhabitable for humans. It will determine whether we
move towards dialogue and diplomacy in the world or
whether we escalate violence through invasion,
undermining and attack. It will determine whether we
go for oil, strip mining, coal burning or invest our
money in alternatives that will free us from
dependency and destruction. It will determine if money
gets spent on education and healt hcare or whether we
build more and more methods of killing. It will
determine whether America is a free open tolerant
society or a closed place of fear, fundamentalism and
aggression.

If the Polar Bears don't move you to go and do
everything in your power to get Obama elected then
consider the chant that filled the hall after Palin
spoke at the RNC, 'Drill Drill Drill.' I think of
teeth when I think of drills. I think of rape. I think
of destruction. I think of domination. I think of
military exercises that force mindless repetition,
emptying the brain of analysis, doubt, ambiguity or
dissent. I think of pain.

Do we want a future of drilling? More holes in the
ozone, in the floor of the sea, more holes in our
thinking, in the trust between nations and peoples,
more holes in the fabric of this precious thing we
call life?

Eve Ensler
September 5, 2008

File #45 Pain in her neck.

2008-09-17T16:22:00.000-07:00

Every few months Agent Rhinestone wakes up with a frozen, painful and very stiff neck. The most recent episode occurred upon waking Tuesday morning...

She instantly called her BFF and down stairs neighbor Fancy Drew for moral support. Fancy told her to call Half Moon in Fremont for an acupuncture appointment. Since Agent Rhinestone is a firm believer in anything Fancy recommends...she called Heather at Half Moon immediately!

A few hours later...

Agent Rhinestone lay on her stomach with a dozen or so needles in her feet, back, neck, hands and arms. She felt absolutely euphoric....she closed her eyes and had visions of millions of peeps in mosaic like patterns. She didn't know if she was awake or dreaming but she loved it!

Acupuncture was the first thing that has ever made her poor little broken neck feel better...and the first thing that has ever made her wish she could buy marshmellowy easter peeps all year round....

File #44 World meet Chandy....

2008-09-16T11:36:00.000-07:00

Agent Rhinestone had her very own real life Chandelier installed yesterday afternoon!

Introducing Chandy:

Tres Chic!

File #43 Rhinestone Basquiat

2008-09-10T16:40:00.000-07:00

The other day Agent Rhinestone was standing in her kitchen doing the dishes. She glanced up and noticed that the prefab art hanging above her kitchen sink was absolutely horrific.

She was all of a sudden over come with a Basquiat-esque feeling. She ripped the canvas from the wall, pulled out her collection of brushes and acrylics and began to create.

She covered the painting in tulle and then painted over it. She made dramatic swirls and flicked paint onto the canvas. She knocked over a vase of water and decided to just go with it. She finger painted the water into the painting and left the rest to spill off the table and onto her boots. She felt hungry and thirsty, her head ached... but she didn’t stop. She kept painting.

After 1 hour she looked around and saw that she and her couture kitchen was covered head to toe in acrylic paint. She didn’t care.

Agent Rhinestone picked up her (still wet) painting and hung it back in it’s place above the kitchen sink. She cleaned up the mess around her, changed her clothes and proceeded with the day as though nothing had ever happened.

File #42 Simple

2008-09-04T12:15:00.000-07:00

Agent Rhinestone is craving the simple life. Not the kind of Simple Life that involves Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie milking cows for millions of reality television viewers… but the kind where life is just more simple.

The tiny town of Seattle seems to be full of the same sorts people talking the same sorts of nonsensical gossip, sipping the same sorts of countless cocktails and smoking the same icky cigarettes outside the same nightclub doors. There comes a point in one’s life where it all just seems silly and boring. If things aren’t done in moderation, they’re exhausting.
Perhaps it is because Agent Rhinestone is getting a teensy bit older and a teensy bit wiser. She is a teensy bit tired of dressing up in the same mini dresses, dancing the night away and falling into bed at dawn- tipsy and muddled.

Perhaps that is why James Blonde created sober September...Which means that she and Mr. James Blonde will refrain from imbibing any sort of alcoholic beverage for the entire month of September...quite a clever idea!

Agent Rhinestone has officially decided to create moderation September, which means...
No excessive shopping.
No gossip.
No excessive eating of “Essential Baking Companies” rosemary bread.

And Yes..YES…YES..YES to Hot YOGA, eating leafy greens, baking things, painting pictures, having friends over for long chatty dinners, taking walks, going to Fremont Market, taking dance class, reading books and doing house projects.

As for the rest of the year and beyond….Agent Rhinestone is kinda done with her former lifestyle. She’s officially hanging up her leopard print mini dress- purchased for her trip to Vegas last year.

Well- actually…..that may be too extreme... some of her favorite things happened while wearing that dress...

File #41 and she's back...

2008-09-03T12:51:00.000-07:00

Once again…
Agent Rhinestone forgot to blog!
She’s been so busy doing the following:

Creating an all new 80’S style show with her BFF’S.
(80's Confeidential is every Friday night through Sept at Can Can 10:30 PM!)

Swimming at Madison Beach.

Decorating her new Apartment.

Shopping at the new H & M at South Center Mall.

Kicking off a new website for Chelsey Henry.
http://www.chelseyhenry.com/

Snacking.

Watching things. (this picture is so reminiscent of Honey SexPot!)

Finding her inner Apache.

Spending Sundays at Fremont Market
http://www.fremontmarket.com/fremont/

Wishing she had a dog or a cat or a baby or just something small and cute to hold.

File #40 Agent Rhinestone's Thumb.

2008-05-20T11:58:00.000-07:00

Agent Rhinestone has recently come to the realization that she has a text messaging problem/addiction. Her right thumb is so tender she can hardly stand to leaf through the pages of her new Vogue with Carrie and Mr. Big on the cover.

Please note:
This is her official self intervention.

ouch!

File #39 Sun or Sequin?

2008-05-16T11:25:00.000-07:00

Is that the Sun in the sky?

Agent Rhinestone could be mistaken...

It could be yellow sequin stuck in her eye.

File #38 A Heavenly Spy Wishlist...

2008-05-08T14:09:00.000-07:00

In addition to James Blonde's wish list for the Heavenly Spies...
view here:
http://snackblog.blogspot.com/

Agent Rhinestone would like to add...

An unlimited supply of level 3 odorless spray tans.

35 pounds of ardel fashion lashes (custom made with actual human hairs.)

A handful of rare sparkling diamonds.

100 new pairs of fishnets.

and enough AquaNet to create a sizeable hole in the ozone...
(This way Agent Rhinestone will never have to go lay in a tanning bed again!)

P.S. Who knew wishlists could provide so much fun!

File #37 Agent Rhinestone in her Parrot costume?

2008-05-08T12:52:00.000-07:00

uguyf

It's like Valley of the Dolls meets Birdcage!
SWOON.

File #36 Summer Prep Tips from Agent Rhinestone.

2008-05-07T15:49:00.001-07:00

1. Time to clean out your closet. Get rid of all those unsightly sweaters and long sleeved tee's you never wore over the winter. If you haven't worn it for a year- you'll never wear it again! Toss it to your BFF's at the Goodwill.

2. Hold off on getting rid of those summer clothes! You don't know what kind of mood you'll be in this coming summer!
Hobo chic?
Naughty and Nautical?
Whimsical and Whatever?

3. Start a litle fitness routine now- you'll thank yourself on the first day of bikini season.

4. Begin growing out your (hmmm) so you can begin a regular wax routine.

5. Start looking for your favorite new accessory to buy for the upcoming season.

Agent Rhinestone likes:
Betsey Johnson's new "Frey" sandal.

and...

Juicy Couture's new "Gossip" shoulder bag.

6. Last but not least...start planning all the fun you're gonna have!

File #35 The Jaeger Bomb

2008-05-07T15:32:00.000-07:00

Agent Rhinestone recently learned about something so appalling!
That something is called "The Jaeger Bomb."

The Jaeger Bomb calls for 2 ingredients:

You drop Specimen A: The Jaeger into Specimen B: The Red Bull.

Then you drink it as fast as possible and try not to vomit.
SOMETHING YOU WILL NEVER FIND AGENT RHINESTONE DOING IS A JAEGER BOMB. EW!

File #34 letter.

2008-04-27T21:40:00.000-07:00

Dear 2 fanged Spider (that lives in Agent Rhinestone's apartment,)

Please stop biting Rhinestone's leg while she is sleeping. If you continue... she will have to ask you to pack your suitcases and move in with her neighbor that snores most of the night.

Best Wishes,

A.Rhinestone I

File # 33 I'll be your Hugh Hefner.

2008-04-24T13:35:00.001-07:00

single, in shape and financially secure?

APPROVED!

*names have been changed to protect the innocent.

File # 32 The Spies + THE ROCK (99.9)

2008-04-24T13:27:00.000-07:00

Dear Readers of the Blog that Agent Rhinestone forgot she had...

The Heavenly Spies were on 99.9 (The B.J Shea Morning Show.)

There is now proof on the actual internets that Agent Rhinestone is prone to spacing out and making weird faces while on camera.

Sigh.

File #31 It's not a crime to drink your weight in Bud Light on a Monday evening...

2008-02-12T14:43:00.000-08:00

...but on Tuesday morning you may be forced to go out and buy this album.

(I mean, Agent Rhinestone would never do something like drink Bud Light on a Monday. She only drinks pink champagne with a bendy straw on the weekends.)

Tres Chic.

File # 30 Peep Show.

2008-01-19T01:15:00.001-08:00

Be there or be square.

xoxo,
Agent Rhinestone

File #29 Mamma Rhinestone...

2007-12-27T20:23:00.000-08:00

#1 Mamma Rhinestone is Agent Rhinestone's Mother. She often smells like white shoulders perfume and rose oil.

#2 She was once a belly dancer named "Mimosa." She made her own fancy beaded bras and twirling circle skirts.

#3 She used to have a red bicycle named Dorothy.

#4 She now drives a green car that she calls "Picklette." (She bought Picklette to match the trim of her house.)

#5 One time in a restaurant called "The Moon of Tunis"...she did a fancy belly dance back bend and got her earring stuck to her ankle bracelet. An entourage of her admirers had to help set her free.

Sigh.

File #28 Dear Ultra,

2007-12-16T10:23:00.000-08:00

Dear Ultra,

Manolo Blahnik has created a special line of shoes just for you. I mean...I'm pretty sure ya'all are a match made in heaven.

xoxo,

Agent Rhinestone

P.S OMG SHOES!

File #27 Tips to stay warm in Seattle

2007-12-03T15:46:00.000-08:00

1.It's most likely raining outside- make sure to bring your leopard print umbrella with you wherever you go. (Although actually using an umbrella is like so 1997.)

2. Go to your local shoe store and purchase a pair of giant fuzzy UGG type boots. Buy them 1 size too big and layer 2 pairs of fuzzy socks underneath.

3. Buy a new package of designer hot chocolate and sip it with friends. If no designer hot chocolate is available- booze will do.

4.Rhinestone knows it sounds horrible but... sometimes it feels nice to go lay in a tanning bed.

5. Bikram Yoga! Try it...you'll be so warm, you'll never want to leave.

6. Take at least 2 hot showers or baths per day.

7. Move somewhere warm.

File #26 Almost Thanksgiving.

2007-11-20T16:48:00.000-08:00

This year Agent Rhinestone will attempt to prepare some vegan Thanksgivnig cuisine for her Tofurkey Day dinner guests...

Here is her stellar recipe for Garlic Mashed Potatoes....(even though she isn't too fond of garlic.)

Vegan Garlic Mashed Potatoes
• 6 pounds russet potatoes
• 2 heads garlic, tops trimmed off
• 1 stick soy margarine, room temperature
• 1 tsp salt
• 1 to 2 cups soymilk, warmed
• 2 Tbs fresh parsley, chopped
• freshly ground black pepper, to taste

Directions:
Pour youreself a glass of Shiraz!
Put on your favorite apron. Agent Rhinestone likes to wear a shear apron with yellow rose appliques!

Heat oven to 350°.

Wrap garlic heads in tinfoil and cook in oven until cloves are soft and kinda mushy, (about 50 minutes or whatever.)

While garlic is roasting, wash and peel potatoes....and apply some fresh lipstick.

Drop them into a pot of cold water (make sure the potatoes are completely immersed).

Add salt and bring to a boil. Simmer until nice and tender, then drain.
Heat the soymilk over low heat.

Beat potatoes, adding warm soymilk gradually, until the desired consistency is reached.

Squeeze head of garlic so that the mushy cloves slide out. eeeeeew!

Add to potatoes, beat. You can also ask the man of the house to do this part for you because it can sometimes be so tiresome!

Season with salt and pepper to taste.

Ta da!

File #25 And then there were none....

2007-11-12T22:15:00.000-08:00

Not this week...but the week before...

Agent Rhinestone played Dorothy in a production called Viva Oz Vegas.

Her BFF Ultra played the Wicked Witch.

And her Heavenly Spy BFFFFFF's played the dazzling Lullaby League...

To make a long story short...

Something SO embarrassing happened.
Agent Rhinestone had the 1st time experience of having not just one- but both of her pasties fall off during her fight scene with the Wicked Witch...

She tried her absolute hardest to keep her hands over her rack while swinging punches at the Witch...but in the end she gave up and flashed the audience her bare bits.

TA DA!

In conclusion....
(Here is James Blonde pictured with Agent Rhinestone's favorite snack.)

File #24 Rhinestone and Mean Man.

2007-10-29T21:03:00.000-07:00

Imagine a Halloween party....wrought with fantastically elaborate costumed humans, a candy mountain, a jail full of little hot people, dancing go go boys with abs like gods and 4 heavenly spies dressed like matching assassin ninjas.

Rhinestone was having such a good time she forgot that there were actual mean people in the world. At the beginning of the night there was this man chatting her up. She chatted with him casually about real estate or some such nonsense. After 2 minutes of conversation she was clearly uninterested by his small talk and burningman style hat. She made an excuse about powdering her nose and sauntered off to find her Heavenly Spy BFF's.

Sometime...later in the evening the bar ran out of vodka! At that same moment Agent Rhinestone ran smack dab into the man wearing the burningman-esque hat. To her amazement he was carrying a full bottle of Vodka- that he had stolen from the bar. She politely asked if she could borrow the bottle to mix herself a drink. He quickly agreed saying.. "Take the whole bottle."

Agent Rhinestone of course could not drink an entire bottle- so she mixed herself and Double Oh Sassy and maybe a few other strangers a cocktail....then promptly returned the half full bottle to the strange man in the bad hat.

As she handed him the bottle...he looked her straight in the eye and said

"You are rude."
Agent Rhinestone was horrified!
She looked at him square in his blobby face and said "I am not!"
"You are the rudest bitch I have ever met, You can't just steal people's vodka, Who in the hell do you think you are?" he said...
Then James Blonde stepped in...
"You are the one that's rude." She said...
He looked at her square in her beautiful face and said "You think you're funny... but you're not."
"Oh my word....that was over the top....everybody knows that James Blonde is the funniest person that ever existed!" thought Agent Rhinestone out loud....
Then Double Oh Sassy sauntered over and said
"Dirty Martini, Dirty Bastard!" and threw her drink in his face.
Agent Rhinestone stepped on his toe and said... "Your hat is ugly."
James Blonde tossed him over her shoulder and threw him outta that party so fast he didn't know what hit him....
Nobody fucks with the Heavenly Spies!

File #23 She's just a little black rain cloud.

2007-10-19T13:40:00.001-07:00

Agent Rhinestone is feeling quite dismal today.

In order to cheer herself up she will partake in the following activities...

1. paint her toenails hot glitter red.
2. call her bff Sparkle and chatter a steady stream of nonsense in his ear.
3. go to the laundry mat with a do rag in her hair and play solitaire...while her frilly underthings spin and spin in the spin cycle.
4. sip a cup of tea and and perhaps have a good cry about life.
5. call bff's James Blonde, Double Oh Sassy and Honey Sexpot to cheer her up.
6. after 5...she may even have a martini. (Even though Martini's are totally gross.)

File #22 Agent Rhinestone says... "Watch this!"

2007-10-04T10:41:00.000-07:00

File #21 Agent Rhinestone and the Optimists

2007-10-03T09:06:00.000-07:00

Agent Rhinestone stepped out of the shower at half past 8 on Tuesday morning and heard a knock at her front door.
"Who knocks on the door at this hour?" She thought as she looked down at her half dressed self. She crept down the stairs and peeked out the window. What stood before her was absolutely horrifying!

Two grown women wearing knee length floral motif dresses, toting handbags from the early 90's and navy blue leather bound books.

"God Dammit!" Agent Rhinestone cursed as she opened the door.

"Good Morning."Said the small mousy one with a grotesque smudge of mauve lipstick on her two front teeth.

"Sorry to bother you when you have obviously not had a chance to dress for the day."

"Umm, yeah!" Agent Rhinestone said with an attempted smile.

" We are here to spread the word of Optimism!" Said the one wearing brown loafers with black opaque tights.

"No Thanks" Said Agent Rhinestone half politely as she slammed the door in their over blushed faces.

Agent Rhinestone was absolutely appalled that someone would try to sell her optimism before she'd had her half caf. cappuccino with soy. What is the world coming to...

File #20...The Stranger + Heavenly Spies = LOVE

2007-09-20T18:05:00.000-07:00

Agent Rhinestone is just delighted to announce that THE STRANGER seemed to love the Heavenly Spies.

"... in Camp Heavenly Spies...Dane Ballard dresses as a camp counselor and plays guitar as he introduces the spies—Agent Rhinestone, James Blonde, and Double Oh Sassy. It's some of the best burlesque in town. In an hour and a half, there was a scimitar battle, a shower scene, and a genius take on Spy vs. Spy comic strips, wherein two spies, one in white and one in black, try to blow each other up, and succeed only in stripping off each other's clothes."

This message will self-destruct in 10 seconds.

p.s

Isn't planet Unicorn like so funny. I'm a ROCK.

File #19 CAMP Heavenly Spies

2007-09-20T18:00:00.000-07:00

After winning Exotic World...Agent Rhinestone and her BFF spy cohorts went to summer camp.

File #18 Agent Rhinestone is back....

2007-09-20T17:55:00.000-07:00

Umm- Hello!
Agent Rhinestone was on a bit of a hiatus and forgot to blog all summer long. If you could see her tan you would understand.
Most importantly...
The Heavenly Spies won "Best Duo" at the Exotic World Pageant in Las Vegas.

File #17

2007-05-10T14:42:00.000-07:00

Agent Rhinestone was to just tickled to discover that she'd be participating in the Miss Exotic World Pageant with her spy and BFF counterpart Miss James Blonde....

Our acceptance letter is as follows:

Hello Agents of the Heavenly Spies,

Thank you for applying to participate in the BEST DUO category at the 2008 Miss Exotic World Pageant--and for your patience as the Selection Committee reviewed each and every single application. We know the wait has been rough, so without further ado… CONGRATULATIONS!

Your score has placed you in TOP 4 for your category—which is no small feat, considering that we received over 230 applications from all over the world (literally!).

Kindly let us know ASAP whether or not you are still willing and able to participate in the show, so we can finalize the lineup and begin to promote your participation in this historic event! Thanks again and see you in June,

Laura Herbert
On behalf of The Exotic World Burlesque Hall of Fame

File #16. The Spies in Exotic Underground!

2007-04-03T10:33:00.000-07:00