File #24 Rhinestone and Mean Man.

Imagine a Halloween party....wrought with fantastically elaborate costumed humans, a candy mountain, a jail full of little hot people, dancing go go boys with abs like gods and 4 heavenly spies dressed like matching assassin ninjas.

Rhinestone was having such a good time she forgot that there were actual mean people in the world. At the beginning of the night there was this man chatting her up. She chatted with him casually about real estate or some such nonsense. After 2 minutes of conversation she was clearly uninterested by his small talk and burningman style hat. She made an excuse about powdering her nose and sauntered off to find her Heavenly Spy BFF's.

Sometime...later in the evening the bar ran out of vodka! At that same moment Agent Rhinestone ran smack dab into the man wearing the burningman-esque hat. To her amazement he was carrying a full bottle of Vodka- that he had stolen from the bar. She politely asked if she could borrow the bottle to mix herself a drink. He quickly agreed saying.. "Take the whole bottle."

Agent Rhinestone of course could not drink an entire bottle- so she mixed herself and Double Oh Sassy and maybe a few other strangers a cocktail....then promptly returned the half full bottle to the strange man in the bad hat.

As she handed him the bottle...he looked her straight in the eye and said


"You are rude."
Agent Rhinestone was horrified!
She looked at him square in his blobby face and said "I am not!"
"You are the rudest bitch I have ever met, You can't just steal people's vodka, Who in the hell do you think you are?" he said...
Then James Blonde stepped in...
"You are the one that's rude." She said...
He looked at her square in her beautiful face and said "You think you're funny... but you're not."
"Oh my word....that was over the top....everybody knows that James Blonde is the funniest person that ever existed!" thought Agent Rhinestone out loud....
Then Double Oh Sassy sauntered over and said
"Dirty Martini, Dirty Bastard!" and threw her drink in his face.
Agent Rhinestone stepped on his toe and said... "Your hat is ugly."
James Blonde tossed him over her shoulder and threw him outta that party so fast he didn't know what hit him....
Nobody fucks with the Heavenly Spies!

File #23 She's just a little black rain cloud.

Agent Rhinestone is feeling quite dismal today.

In order to cheer herself up she will partake in the following activities...

1. paint her toenails hot glitter red.
2. call her bff Sparkle and chatter a steady stream of nonsense in his ear.
3. go to the laundry mat with a do rag in her hair and play solitaire...while her frilly underthings spin and spin in the spin cycle.
4. sip a cup of tea and and perhaps have a good cry about life.
5. call bff's James Blonde, Double Oh Sassy and Honey Sexpot to cheer her up.
6. after 5...she may even have a martini. (Even though Martini's are totally gross.)

File #22 Agent Rhinestone says... "Watch this!"

File #21 Agent Rhinestone and the Optimists

Agent Rhinestone stepped out of the shower at half past 8 on Tuesday morning and heard a knock at her front door.
"Who knocks on the door at this hour?" She thought as she looked down at her half dressed self. She crept down the stairs and peeked out the window. What stood before her was absolutely horrifying!

Two grown women wearing knee length floral motif dresses, toting handbags from the early 90's and navy blue leather bound books.

"God Dammit!" Agent Rhinestone cursed as she opened the door.

"Good Morning."Said the small mousy one with a grotesque smudge of mauve lipstick on her two front teeth.

"Sorry to bother you when you have obviously not had a chance to dress for the day."

"Umm, yeah!" Agent Rhinestone said with an attempted smile.

" We are here to spread the word of Optimism!" Said the one wearing brown loafers with black opaque tights.

"No Thanks" Said Agent Rhinestone half politely as she slammed the door in their over blushed faces.

Agent Rhinestone was absolutely appalled that someone would try to sell her optimism before she'd had her half caf. cappuccino with soy. What is the world coming to...