Agent Rhinestone has packed up and moved to:
http://therhinestonefiles.tumblr.com/
xoxo!
Thursday, May 07, 2009
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
File #114
So... It seems as though Agent Rhinestone went through another one of those phases where she forgot to blog. I think it's because she really freaked herself out by changing her blog header. She really hates the look of how self-congratulatory it is. So please expect it to change like today.
In other news...
Something so weird has been happening in Agent Rhinestone's kitchen. There are birds living in the old vent/fan thingy. They are making babies in there or something. The birds are very active in the morning and sometimes Agent Rhinestone has to knock on the vent/fan thingy and tell them to shush!
see bird home below:
So... here's where it gets weird. Nobody believes that Agent Rhinestone has a bird family living in her kitchen. The birds have only made noise for 1 other person...Ultra. He came over to borrow Agent Rhinestone's french press the other morning and heard the birds being quite "active" in there. Nobody else has heard the birds. Agent Rhinestone's landlord won't even call her back. She tried to whittle the wood around the vent and pry it open but she has the upper body strength of a kitten. She was left bereft and panting after scraping at the area with a tiny bread knife. Besides.... what would she do if she did get the vent/fan thingy open. Maybe she could just tell the birds that they'd probably be much happier making babies in a green leafy tree or in a pink flowering bush.
In other news...
Something so weird has been happening in Agent Rhinestone's kitchen. There are birds living in the old vent/fan thingy. They are making babies in there or something. The birds are very active in the morning and sometimes Agent Rhinestone has to knock on the vent/fan thingy and tell them to shush!
see bird home below:
So... here's where it gets weird. Nobody believes that Agent Rhinestone has a bird family living in her kitchen. The birds have only made noise for 1 other person...Ultra. He came over to borrow Agent Rhinestone's french press the other morning and heard the birds being quite "active" in there. Nobody else has heard the birds. Agent Rhinestone's landlord won't even call her back. She tried to whittle the wood around the vent and pry it open but she has the upper body strength of a kitten. She was left bereft and panting after scraping at the area with a tiny bread knife. Besides.... what would she do if she did get the vent/fan thingy open. Maybe she could just tell the birds that they'd probably be much happier making babies in a green leafy tree or in a pink flowering bush.
Thursday, April 02, 2009
File #113 Daily Candy!
The Heavenly Spies in Daily Candy's weekend guide!
Plastique Couture Cabaret
What: Award-winning dance troupe The Heavenly Spies takes it off in mod revue of outlandish fashion, acrobatics, contemporary dance, and high-kicking hijinks.
Why: Hot couture.
When: Fri. & Sat., 7:30 & 10:30 p.m. Apr. 10-May 30, Fri., 10:30 p.m.
Where: Can Can, 92 Pike St., Pike Place Market (206-652-0832). Tickets online at brownpapertickets.com
Agent Rhinestone is just tickled pink! She loves Daily Candy! Sigh. Swoon.
Plastique Couture Cabaret
What: Award-winning dance troupe The Heavenly Spies takes it off in mod revue of outlandish fashion, acrobatics, contemporary dance, and high-kicking hijinks.
Why: Hot couture.
When: Fri. & Sat., 7:30 & 10:30 p.m. Apr. 10-May 30, Fri., 10:30 p.m.
Where: Can Can, 92 Pike St., Pike Place Market (206-652-0832). Tickets online at brownpapertickets.com
Agent Rhinestone is just tickled pink! She loves Daily Candy! Sigh. Swoon.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Saturday, March 28, 2009
File #111 iBurlesque.
I guess Agent Rhinestone has been zoomed onto a new iPhone application. (Bad picture...oh dear.)
iBurlesque.
If one were to download this new application they could tilt their iPhone to the right and it would look like Agent Rhinestone's clothes came off. Wooo Hoooo! Wow. Wow. Great!!! Scantily clad via the cellular phone apple interwebnets.
iBurlesque.
If one were to download this new application they could tilt their iPhone to the right and it would look like Agent Rhinestone's clothes came off. Wooo Hoooo! Wow. Wow. Great!!! Scantily clad via the cellular phone apple interwebnets.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
#110 Gary.
If Agent Rhinestone had one of these she would name it Gary. Gary would wear a small pink bow upon her curly tail and carry a lacy parasol. Rhinestone and Gary would take walks upon the shore in the summertime, eat leafy green salads and be life long friends.
File #109 Thursday Thoughts.
Thought 1:
Agent Rhinestone secretly yearns that she could predict the future. Wouldn't life be a bit easier if you didn't have to wonder what was going to happen next? You would automatically know silly things like...
a. Should I get married to so and so.
b. Should I buy those ridiculously expensive shoes or will I lose my job tomorrow?
c. Should I cut my hair off or would I miss it?
d. Will my future baby be cute or slightly odd looking in the face?
Thought 2:
Rhinestone has recently decided that it is rather hard to be human. As a human girl (or woman or whatever) you are constantly having to navigate around other weird humans. Other weird humans have fears and insecurities and sometimes really bad senses of style. Some have no sense of humor- which is Rhinestone's least favorite quality. I mean- WOW humans. Don't humans.
Thought 3:
Aren't names weird? Your parents give you a name at birth.. which is really just a word and then you are expected to answer to that word for the rest of your life and you have absolutely no say in it. Wow.
Thought 4:
Lately Rhinestone's main response to anything is "Shush" or "Shh". Sometimes life is just hilarious. It's so funny you have to tell the person making you laugh to hush because you can't even stop laughing.
Thought 5:
Don't self. Shush.
Agent Rhinestone secretly yearns that she could predict the future. Wouldn't life be a bit easier if you didn't have to wonder what was going to happen next? You would automatically know silly things like...
a. Should I get married to so and so.
b. Should I buy those ridiculously expensive shoes or will I lose my job tomorrow?
c. Should I cut my hair off or would I miss it?
d. Will my future baby be cute or slightly odd looking in the face?
Thought 2:
Rhinestone has recently decided that it is rather hard to be human. As a human girl (or woman or whatever) you are constantly having to navigate around other weird humans. Other weird humans have fears and insecurities and sometimes really bad senses of style. Some have no sense of humor- which is Rhinestone's least favorite quality. I mean- WOW humans. Don't humans.
Thought 3:
Aren't names weird? Your parents give you a name at birth.. which is really just a word and then you are expected to answer to that word for the rest of your life and you have absolutely no say in it. Wow.
Thought 4:
Lately Rhinestone's main response to anything is "Shush" or "Shh". Sometimes life is just hilarious. It's so funny you have to tell the person making you laugh to hush because you can't even stop laughing.
Thought 5:
Don't self. Shush.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Thursday, March 19, 2009
File #107 Dreaming, AGAIN!
So...
Dream 1: Agent Rhinestone dreamt she had a baby that was an actual tiny cute girl with perfect outfits and teeth. She told Rhinestone gossip and brushed her hair.
Dream 2: Rhinestone's BF took her for a walk in LA. It was warm outside and everyone was driving in shiny convertibles. Mother's pushed their babies in prams made of new tan boot leather and everyone had giant cell phones. They walked and walked and ended up in a park... there were hundreds of french artist's with easels all drawing pictures of live models wearing Prada tunics, thigh high stockings and great shoes from last season's collection. Rhinestone and her BF looked at each other and laughed and began walking again. They ended their journey at a high rise apartment. Miss O had planned a birthday masquerade pot-luck dinner. Agent Rhinestone didn't know anyone at the party, but she was thankful for the giant table of vegan snacks.
So... Why does Agent Rhinestone keep dreaming about babies and high rise apartments. She is so freaked out.
Dream 1: Agent Rhinestone dreamt she had a baby that was an actual tiny cute girl with perfect outfits and teeth. She told Rhinestone gossip and brushed her hair.
Dream 2: Rhinestone's BF took her for a walk in LA. It was warm outside and everyone was driving in shiny convertibles. Mother's pushed their babies in prams made of new tan boot leather and everyone had giant cell phones. They walked and walked and ended up in a park... there were hundreds of french artist's with easels all drawing pictures of live models wearing Prada tunics, thigh high stockings and great shoes from last season's collection. Rhinestone and her BF looked at each other and laughed and began walking again. They ended their journey at a high rise apartment. Miss O had planned a birthday masquerade pot-luck dinner. Agent Rhinestone didn't know anyone at the party, but she was thankful for the giant table of vegan snacks.
So... Why does Agent Rhinestone keep dreaming about babies and high rise apartments. She is so freaked out.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
File #106 Dreaming.
Agent Rhinestone was dreaming like so much last night!
She dreamt she had 6 children. She took her 6 children to the roller skating rink and lost 1 of them... then realized her teenage son Shane (who designs Heavenly Spies posters in real life) had run off with some girl to smoke the pot. While Rhinestone was searching for him she ran into James Blonde who had decided to give her Walter the dog. Agent Rhinestone happily took the dog and renamed him "Walter the Amazing." Then she skipped down the street and ended up at a high rise apartment in Miami with her BF.
She dreamt she had 6 children. She took her 6 children to the roller skating rink and lost 1 of them... then realized her teenage son Shane (who designs Heavenly Spies posters in real life) had run off with some girl to smoke the pot. While Rhinestone was searching for him she ran into James Blonde who had decided to give her Walter the dog. Agent Rhinestone happily took the dog and renamed him "Walter the Amazing." Then she skipped down the street and ended up at a high rise apartment in Miami with her BF.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
File #105 looking.
Agent Rhinestone just got home from yoga class and is now sitting at her kitchen table eating carrots and peanut butter. She is sitting, snacking and looking around.
She sees:
1. sequins all over the kitchen floor.
2. 2 wine glasses drying on the dish rack.
3. juicy couture sunglasses that don't look quite right on, but somehow never end up in the give-away pile.
4. tiny temptations candles in the flavors: cinnamon cream cheese hearts, happy birthday vanilla and boysenberry vanilla. (Purchase some at your local grocer today- they smell fantastic.)
5. her new pink yoga pants. (Don't forever 21.)
Well- now she's bored of sitting and looking. Better knock on Sparkles door or start choreographing her solo for the new show....or cleaning up those sequins.
Well. Bye.
She sees:
1. sequins all over the kitchen floor.
2. 2 wine glasses drying on the dish rack.
3. juicy couture sunglasses that don't look quite right on, but somehow never end up in the give-away pile.
4. tiny temptations candles in the flavors: cinnamon cream cheese hearts, happy birthday vanilla and boysenberry vanilla. (Purchase some at your local grocer today- they smell fantastic.)
5. her new pink yoga pants. (Don't forever 21.)
Well- now she's bored of sitting and looking. Better knock on Sparkles door or start choreographing her solo for the new show....or cleaning up those sequins.
Well. Bye.
Monday, March 16, 2009
File #104 boot prob.
It's a real problem now.... a real actual problem. Agent Rhinestone just purchased yet another pair of tan boots. How many pairs of tan or brown boots does one girl need?
And that's really all I have to say about that. OK.
And that's really all I have to say about that. OK.
Friday, March 13, 2009
File #103
Last night The Spies performed one of their new acts at Moisture Festival. It felt equivalent to running a 4 minute mile while wearing a wig, fishnets, heels and a Lawrence Welk tunic... and.... ooof... Agent Rhinestone is tired today.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
File #102 Plastique!
The Heavenly Spies present: PLASTIQUE with special Guest Ultra at Can Can!
After four sold out runs at Can Can, the award winning cabaret dance troupe The Heavenly Spies are back with their all new show Plastique! Plastique is CABARETCOUTURE, combining contemporary dance, jazz, and Barbie Doll-esque fashion in dynamic choreography with attention to detail and finish. Members of the Heavenly Spies are Fancy Drew, Honey Sexpot, Agent Rhinestone and very special guest star Ultra. Known worldwide for their death-defying high kicks and gravity-defying hair, the Heavenly Spies are proud to present the mod, mod world of Plastique!
Friday nights at 10:30PM Opening in April.
Can Can 92 Pike St. Seattle 98102 (in the Pike Place Market.)
10:30PM (21+)
$10 General Admission / $15 day VIP
For reservations: 206.652.0832
www.thecancan.com
About The Heavenly Spies: The Heavenly Spies joined forces in an underground assassin training camp outside Topeka, Kansas after finding a common love for both sleuthing and slinking. The girls were kicked out of assassin training after getting caught having a pillow fight in assassin secret headquarters, so they decided to leave the traditional constraints of espionage and join forces in sexpionage. Members of The Heavenly Spies are Agent Rhinestone (Former Sea Gal, Winner Best Duo Miss Exotic World Pageant and Cornish College of the Arts Graduate, Dance.) Honey Sexpot (Former Sea Gal and graduate of University of Washington.) Introducing Fancy Drew (Member of Scott Powell Performance, Former member of Fankick! and graduate of Cornish College of the Arts, Dance.) Their combined specialties include fishing for clues, fishnets, secret societies, Victoria’s Secret, venom tolerance and vodka tolerance!
About Can Can: Ringmaster Christopher Snell is creator of Can Can- Seattle's most celebrated, award winning nightspot in the city known nationally for its cutting edge performances (Voted Best of Seattle by- Seattle Magazine, Seattle Metro Magazine, City Search, AOL City Guide). Located in the heart of the Pike Place Market in Seattle, Can Can is recognized for extraordinary entertainment, food and libations in a comfortable, underground European style setting.
Monday, March 09, 2009
File #101 A summertime fashion study.
Faggedy Randy:
Fancy Drew:
Agent Rhinestone:
Oh time of Summer.... you are so close! Get here soon so we can don our Madison Beach fashions and swim upon the glittery lake of Washington.
Photos courtesy of Fancy Drew.
Fancy Drew:
Agent Rhinestone:
Oh time of Summer.... you are so close! Get here soon so we can don our Madison Beach fashions and swim upon the glittery lake of Washington.
Photos courtesy of Fancy Drew.
File #100
Happy 100th Blog entry.
Pour 1 down or out or whatever for my fabulous BFF's. I wish we were all together drinking champy with a straw and talking about clever topics....
File #99
Agent Rhinestone woke up this morning with the distinct feeling of wanting to climb under a pink fluffy tulle rock. Why?
1. Drank too many Mango Mimosa's at BF's birthday party last night. (enough said.)
2. Shopped way too much at "forever 21" (forever 29) this week. Please note the yellow shopping bags peeking from behind the tulle on Agent Rhinestone's couch. (Yes- she knows plastic bags are bad for the environment.)
3. Don't stack of bills!
4. YES! Apache Bras for the new show! Aren't they tote beaut! Agent Rhinestone would gladly crawl out from underneath her pink rock to wear one of these bad boys!
5. Don't stack of bras that have yet to be bedazzled. Better crack open a bottle of Sofia Coppola and get to work.
6. Don't economy and the state of Agent Rhinestone's employment. At least she has more time to do things like shop for the new show and make up 8 counts of high kicks in her living room!
7. Sigh....
1. Drank too many Mango Mimosa's at BF's birthday party last night. (enough said.)
2. Shopped way too much at "forever 21" (forever 29) this week. Please note the yellow shopping bags peeking from behind the tulle on Agent Rhinestone's couch. (Yes- she knows plastic bags are bad for the environment.)
3. Don't stack of bills!
4. YES! Apache Bras for the new show! Aren't they tote beaut! Agent Rhinestone would gladly crawl out from underneath her pink rock to wear one of these bad boys!
5. Don't stack of bras that have yet to be bedazzled. Better crack open a bottle of Sofia Coppola and get to work.
6. Don't economy and the state of Agent Rhinestone's employment. At least she has more time to do things like shop for the new show and make up 8 counts of high kicks in her living room!
7. Sigh....
Monday, February 23, 2009
File #98 The Secret Pony.
Many years ago Agent Rhinestone developed something called "The Secret Pony." If you are friends with Agent Rhinestone she has probably sat you down on more than one occasion and pulled your hair into one of these "secret pony's".
Definition:
Secret Pony SEA-KRET poh-knee
A small pony tail that uses hair collected from the temples. The hair is then pulled back into the tightest of tight pony tails and is fastened in the center of the back of the head. When the rest of the hair is worn down, half up or in a full pony... the secret pony becomes a hidden secret. The purpose of the secret pony is to pull the eyes back tight, creating a clean almost Asian look to face. The secret pony also provides a stable mid-section of the head- which one can use to fasten headdresses, ribbon or feather accessories, flowing hair pieces, barrettes, diamonds etc.
please see photo reference:
(please note the eyes are pulled back dramatically)
WARNING:
Sometimes the secret pony gets pulled back too tight thus creating the effect of an actual surgical procedure.
ouch!
Definition:
Secret Pony SEA-KRET poh-knee
A small pony tail that uses hair collected from the temples. The hair is then pulled back into the tightest of tight pony tails and is fastened in the center of the back of the head. When the rest of the hair is worn down, half up or in a full pony... the secret pony becomes a hidden secret. The purpose of the secret pony is to pull the eyes back tight, creating a clean almost Asian look to face. The secret pony also provides a stable mid-section of the head- which one can use to fasten headdresses, ribbon or feather accessories, flowing hair pieces, barrettes, diamonds etc.
please see photo reference:
(please note the eyes are pulled back dramatically)
WARNING:
Sometimes the secret pony gets pulled back too tight thus creating the effect of an actual surgical procedure.
ouch!
File #97 Skippy.
Agent Rhinestone met this tiny, chub, black squirrel while vacationing with her BF in Vancouver. His name is Skippy. He likes people, snacks and laughter. If Skippy were a person he'd compliment you on your hat and take down your email address so he could invite you to his branch for a cup of acorn tea.
Agent Rhinestone + Skippy = LOVE.
Agent Rhinestone + Skippy = LOVE.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
File #96 Portland Bound...
The Spies are off to Portland this morning to visit with James Blonde and dance with the Sugar Q's at Hawthorne Theater.
Ta Ta for now....
Bon Voyage!
Sigh. It would be a perfect reunion if only Fancy Drew was home from her journey to Wyoming.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
File #95 Spring 09!
You are just beginning to see Spring merchandise in stores- peeking through the wintry ponchos, never ending scarves and ruffles of Fall 08. What style will you subscribe to?
Depression Chic: Agent Rhinestone says... "Wear this!" (but maybe leave the hat at home. It's too much for an every day look.) That dress is super cute!
Geometry Lessons: Agent Rhinestone says... : "Most likely, No." This is too high fashion... but you could find some dazzling mini dresses with a geometric patterned fabric. Just take it down a notch!
Goddess Worship: Agent Rhinestone says... "Of course!" You should totally don this look for like your upcoming nuptials or something. It would look great with a soft Kate Hudson-esque hairstyle.
Marrakesh Express: Agent Rhinestone says... "Yes! Do it." Take this look and add a Native American spin. Wear a flowy tunic and some fringy sandals and call it a great day!
Sporting Goods: Agent Rhinestone says "NO!" Spandex is great for the gym or yoga class or even in a full length pant but not a biker short. Biker shorts are bad even if you are on a bike.
Trash and Vaudeville: Agent Rhinestone is kinda feeling these trashy looking shorts. Throw on your favorite pair of boots and this look is good to go anywhere. (Just make sure you use a touch of self tanner on your legs first.)
Depression Chic: Agent Rhinestone says... "Wear this!" (but maybe leave the hat at home. It's too much for an every day look.) That dress is super cute!
Geometry Lessons: Agent Rhinestone says... : "Most likely, No." This is too high fashion... but you could find some dazzling mini dresses with a geometric patterned fabric. Just take it down a notch!
Goddess Worship: Agent Rhinestone says... "Of course!" You should totally don this look for like your upcoming nuptials or something. It would look great with a soft Kate Hudson-esque hairstyle.
Marrakesh Express: Agent Rhinestone says... "Yes! Do it." Take this look and add a Native American spin. Wear a flowy tunic and some fringy sandals and call it a great day!
Sporting Goods: Agent Rhinestone says "NO!" Spandex is great for the gym or yoga class or even in a full length pant but not a biker short. Biker shorts are bad even if you are on a bike.
Trash and Vaudeville: Agent Rhinestone is kinda feeling these trashy looking shorts. Throw on your favorite pair of boots and this look is good to go anywhere. (Just make sure you use a touch of self tanner on your legs first.)
File #94 Agent Rhinestone + James Blonde Reunion Tour begins tomorrow.
The James Blonde'll come out
Tomorrow
Bet your sequin'd bottom dollar
That tomorrow
There'll be James Blonde!
Just thinkin' about
Tomorrow
Clears away the sparkle cobwebs,
And the sorrow
'Til there's none!
When I'm stuck with a day
That's pink,
And lonely,
I just stick out my eyelashes
And grin,
And say,
Oh......
The James Blonde'll come out
Tomorrow
So ya gotta hang on
Tïll tomorrow
Come what may
Tomorrow!
Tomorrow!
I love her
Tomorrow!
She's always
A day
A way!
Agent Rhinestone Age: 14. OH MY! Her arms are still just as skinny. Oh Great.
Tomorrow
Bet your sequin'd bottom dollar
That tomorrow
There'll be James Blonde!
Just thinkin' about
Tomorrow
Clears away the sparkle cobwebs,
And the sorrow
'Til there's none!
When I'm stuck with a day
That's pink,
And lonely,
I just stick out my eyelashes
And grin,
And say,
Oh......
The James Blonde'll come out
Tomorrow
So ya gotta hang on
Tïll tomorrow
Come what may
Tomorrow!
Tomorrow!
I love her
Tomorrow!
She's always
A day
A way!
Agent Rhinestone Age: 14. OH MY! Her arms are still just as skinny. Oh Great.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
File #92 "Plastique"
Friday April 3 at Can Can, 10:30 PM!
The Heavenly Spies will debut their newest cabaret show entitled "Plastique" with special guest Ultra!
Plastique contains all the elements girl-dom: pink, prancing, dancing, dazzling, barbies, bombshells, tutu's, tulle...to name a few...
The girls just completed a fab photo shoot... stay tuned for their latest poster!
stay tuned for more details!
The Heavenly Spies will debut their newest cabaret show entitled "Plastique" with special guest Ultra!
Plastique contains all the elements girl-dom: pink, prancing, dancing, dazzling, barbies, bombshells, tutu's, tulle...to name a few...
The girls just completed a fab photo shoot... stay tuned for their latest poster!
stay tuned for more details!
Thursday, February 12, 2009
File #91 Some things to look forward to:
1. Sunday. The day she is zooming to Vancouver on a train in the name of romance.
2. Thursday (a week from today). The much anticipated day that she will reunite with James Blonde and perform with the Sugar Q's at Portland's very own Hawthorne Theater.
3. Friday (a week and one day from today). The day she will stil be in Portland... Zooming fun + snacks + adventure with her BF and BFF's.
4. The first Friday in April when the Spies new show "Plastique" will open at Can Can.
5. Easter Sunday. That's always fun, right? (An excuse to drink Mimosa's pretty early in the morning and stuff.)
5. Ummmm- Summer time? The time when Faggedy Randy will don his hot pink mankini and Agent Rhinestone will lay in the warm sunshine under her hat named "gossip girl."
2. Thursday (a week from today). The much anticipated day that she will reunite with James Blonde and perform with the Sugar Q's at Portland's very own Hawthorne Theater.
3. Friday (a week and one day from today). The day she will stil be in Portland... Zooming fun + snacks + adventure with her BF and BFF's.
4. The first Friday in April when the Spies new show "Plastique" will open at Can Can.
5. Easter Sunday. That's always fun, right? (An excuse to drink Mimosa's pretty early in the morning and stuff.)
5. Ummmm- Summer time? The time when Faggedy Randy will don his hot pink mankini and Agent Rhinestone will lay in the warm sunshine under her hat named "gossip girl."
Friday, February 06, 2009
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
File #88 Wrong side of the bed.
Today Agent Rhinestone awoke on the wrong side of the bed. According to the Romans the wrong side of the bed is the left side.
Who knew?
Agent Rhinestone has been sleeping on the left side of her bed for over a year now. This means that everyday she wakes up on the wrong side.
This may call for a complete bedroom makeover.
Perhaps it wasn't the wrong side of the bed at all... Perhaps she's grumpy because she spray painted 3 pairs of Heavenly Spy costume shoes bubblegum pink last night. It was far too cold to go outside... so she sprayed them right there in the kitchen. The fumes may have wafted into her bedroom causing her to wake up on what seemed to be the wrong side of the bed.
Something to consider...
Who knew?
Agent Rhinestone has been sleeping on the left side of her bed for over a year now. This means that everyday she wakes up on the wrong side.
This may call for a complete bedroom makeover.
Perhaps it wasn't the wrong side of the bed at all... Perhaps she's grumpy because she spray painted 3 pairs of Heavenly Spy costume shoes bubblegum pink last night. It was far too cold to go outside... so she sprayed them right there in the kitchen. The fumes may have wafted into her bedroom causing her to wake up on what seemed to be the wrong side of the bed.
Something to consider...
Tuesday, February 03, 2009
File #87 The lost art of skipping time.
If you don't count today... it will be only 16 days until Agent Rhinestone is reunited with James Blonde.
If you don't count tomorrow it will only be 15... and if you pretty much skip this week- because it's practically over (if your not counting tomorrow)...Agent Rhinestone will see James Blonde in only 11 days. If you skip next week- which you may as well do because it already feels like it's practically Valentines Day....
and you don't have to count February 14th, 15th and 16th- because Agent Rhinestone will be on a romantic get-away with her BF...and she won't even be noticing the time!
SO... If you just go ahead and skip all that time... Agent Rhinestone will see James Blonde in just 2 days.
She can't wait!
If you don't count tomorrow it will only be 15... and if you pretty much skip this week- because it's practically over (if your not counting tomorrow)...Agent Rhinestone will see James Blonde in only 11 days. If you skip next week- which you may as well do because it already feels like it's practically Valentines Day....
and you don't have to count February 14th, 15th and 16th- because Agent Rhinestone will be on a romantic get-away with her BF...and she won't even be noticing the time!
SO... If you just go ahead and skip all that time... Agent Rhinestone will see James Blonde in just 2 days.
She can't wait!
Friday, January 30, 2009
File #85 and the story continues...
Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, the woman teaching us the dance combo walked in. Jess and I exchanged knowing glances.
“Whoa bangs!”
Her bangs were teased into a claw that I hadn’t seen since 1988. She flashed us a big toothy smile and immediately launched into a series of kicks, turns, pivots and thrusts.
We were trapped; trapped in Casino Show Girl audition hell. It was just us and Greg Thompson’s man parts.
The audition was being held in a dilapidated old scene shop on Elliot Avenue. Paint cans littered the circumference of the room and 2 inches of dust and glitter were caked on the floor like adobe. There were about 100 of us girls crammed into the room. We all looked somewhat the same but somehow I felt all wrong and out of sorts. My character shoes were too low and squat, my tights were too cheap and although I was 5’5” and only weighed 102 pounds I felt like a little sausage stuffed and pinched into my all wrong outfit.
I somehow got over my physical discomfort and managed to focus on the choreography being taught by the toothy and banged blonde. The dance was pretty easy. 5,6,7,8 and passé and pivot and shake your ass and smile and wink and shake your ass….
“Now this,” I said to myself “is something I can do. Thank god for those 4 years as a high school cheerleader.”
My thoughts were interrupted…
“All right Girls,” Booms Greg Thompson, “get into a line.”
He then proceeded to split us up into 10 groups according to our height. I landed in group number 3. Jess and I were separated. We zoomed straight into doing the combination group by group. There were 16 counts of “free dance” before the set combo began. This is a common thing at auditions; they want to see what length you’ll go to draw attention to yourself. I felt a little sheepish at first, but soon enough I joined in with the best of them.
“Whoop, Whoop,” I startled myself by whooping out some kind of crazy mating club call.
I wiggled, body rolled, thrusted and shimmied. I was officially wearing my cleavage like jewelry and offering it right up to Greg Thompson. If my Mother had been there as a fly on the wall- she’d have been proud. I finished my freestyle with ease and shot straight into the choreographed dance. I imagined that I was a young Mistinguett and paraded myself like a tiny poodle on a rhinestone leash. My legs kicked, whizzing past my face and my moves were perfect- it felt so natural as if I had emerged from the womb with jazz hands. As my body moved, my mind was shocked.
“Who am I and what happened to the old me. She was here a minute ago.”
After about 45 minutes of dancing, group after group, repeating the same set of steps; Greg cut over half of the girls. Luckily Jess and I made it into the new line of show girl hopefuls. The rest of the girls were asked to leave. They looked somewhat relieved as they gathered up their water bottles and dance bags and high tailed it out of that sweaty scene shop.
“Let me just look at ya’all.” Said Greg.
I pondered standing pigeon toed so my legs would appear smaller. Oops. Too late.
“OK, let me take a look at your backsides.” Said Greg
“Oh Fuck.” I mouthed to my friend and only alibi Jess.
I quickly sent mental messages to my ass to perk up, but I’m pretty sure she just hung back there.
“You should all get higher heals, it makes the back side view a little sweater.” He said while chuckling and making sex eyes at “Miss Blonde (twenty-something) America.” She let out a triumphant squeak and blushed at his obvious approval of her perfectly high heals and ass. I turned and tried to see how my own butt looked, but I couldn’t even see it. The audition had started to look dismal from where I stood.
To my great surprise Jess and I were put into the remaining group of 7. She looked at me and rolled her eyes. She looked like she was enjoying this even less that I was. Then something in me clicked. The music started and I found myself shoving girls out of my way so I could get to the front. I winked and looked directly into Greg’s eyes. That job was gonna be mine.
“Whoa bangs!”
Her bangs were teased into a claw that I hadn’t seen since 1988. She flashed us a big toothy smile and immediately launched into a series of kicks, turns, pivots and thrusts.
We were trapped; trapped in Casino Show Girl audition hell. It was just us and Greg Thompson’s man parts.
The audition was being held in a dilapidated old scene shop on Elliot Avenue. Paint cans littered the circumference of the room and 2 inches of dust and glitter were caked on the floor like adobe. There were about 100 of us girls crammed into the room. We all looked somewhat the same but somehow I felt all wrong and out of sorts. My character shoes were too low and squat, my tights were too cheap and although I was 5’5” and only weighed 102 pounds I felt like a little sausage stuffed and pinched into my all wrong outfit.
I somehow got over my physical discomfort and managed to focus on the choreography being taught by the toothy and banged blonde. The dance was pretty easy. 5,6,7,8 and passé and pivot and shake your ass and smile and wink and shake your ass….
“Now this,” I said to myself “is something I can do. Thank god for those 4 years as a high school cheerleader.”
My thoughts were interrupted…
“All right Girls,” Booms Greg Thompson, “get into a line.”
He then proceeded to split us up into 10 groups according to our height. I landed in group number 3. Jess and I were separated. We zoomed straight into doing the combination group by group. There were 16 counts of “free dance” before the set combo began. This is a common thing at auditions; they want to see what length you’ll go to draw attention to yourself. I felt a little sheepish at first, but soon enough I joined in with the best of them.
“Whoop, Whoop,” I startled myself by whooping out some kind of crazy mating club call.
I wiggled, body rolled, thrusted and shimmied. I was officially wearing my cleavage like jewelry and offering it right up to Greg Thompson. If my Mother had been there as a fly on the wall- she’d have been proud. I finished my freestyle with ease and shot straight into the choreographed dance. I imagined that I was a young Mistinguett and paraded myself like a tiny poodle on a rhinestone leash. My legs kicked, whizzing past my face and my moves were perfect- it felt so natural as if I had emerged from the womb with jazz hands. As my body moved, my mind was shocked.
“Who am I and what happened to the old me. She was here a minute ago.”
After about 45 minutes of dancing, group after group, repeating the same set of steps; Greg cut over half of the girls. Luckily Jess and I made it into the new line of show girl hopefuls. The rest of the girls were asked to leave. They looked somewhat relieved as they gathered up their water bottles and dance bags and high tailed it out of that sweaty scene shop.
“Let me just look at ya’all.” Said Greg.
I pondered standing pigeon toed so my legs would appear smaller. Oops. Too late.
“OK, let me take a look at your backsides.” Said Greg
“Oh Fuck.” I mouthed to my friend and only alibi Jess.
I quickly sent mental messages to my ass to perk up, but I’m pretty sure she just hung back there.
“You should all get higher heals, it makes the back side view a little sweater.” He said while chuckling and making sex eyes at “Miss Blonde (twenty-something) America.” She let out a triumphant squeak and blushed at his obvious approval of her perfectly high heals and ass. I turned and tried to see how my own butt looked, but I couldn’t even see it. The audition had started to look dismal from where I stood.
To my great surprise Jess and I were put into the remaining group of 7. She looked at me and rolled her eyes. She looked like she was enjoying this even less that I was. Then something in me clicked. The music started and I found myself shoving girls out of my way so I could get to the front. I winked and looked directly into Greg’s eyes. That job was gonna be mine.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
File #84
Well... until the cookie shop works out...
Rhinestone has decided to write a book about all of her adventures as a dancer.
She started writing today...
The Showgirl:
I looked to my right and saw a bobbing brunette stuffed into a red leotard, tan dancer fishnets and the tallest character shoes I’d ever seen. To my left was “Miss Blonde (twenty-something) America” jammed into even higher tan character shoes. I looked down at myself; boobs pushed and squeezed and padded. My Mom once told me to wear my cleavage like jewelry- so I was giving it my best shot. All I really yearned for was to be just like Jennifer Beals from Flashdance. All I really wanted to do was do well in this audition and dance.
“Smile Fae.” I thought to myself.
“This show girl shit pays $600 a week, who cares if it’s in a cheesy casino near the Seattle airport.”
My thoughts were pulled away from me by the site of the man holding the audition, Greg Thompson. He was dressed head to toe in black, sitting with his legs slightly spread. His bunched man parts were practically smiling at me through his satiny trouser pants. His hair was almost white and groomed into an immaculate wispy Elvis poof. His sharp edged collar stood erect around his pudgy face and his tiny eyes scanned the room in search of the perfect pair of breasts.
Unbeknownst to me my eyelashes began fluttering flirtatiously in his direction.
“Who am I” I thought.
My skin crawled secretly underneath my 98 cent pantyhose. I remained calm on the outside. I’d been dancing all my life, I was about to graduate from college with a BFA in Dance. I was better than this. I was a real dancer, not a show girl. I could do this in circles around these other girls, right? I locked eyes with my best friend Jess. I’d drug her to the audition with me. We were both tired of living off student loans and evening retail jobs. We were going to make money dancing!
My thoughts were distracted once again as the choreographer walked into the room. Mistinguette. She was just like Cher. She only needed one name. Her 3 inch lavender finger nails gleamed like tiny daggers against her dramatic black pashmina. Her hair was blonde and cut short like Annie Lennox. Her makeup was black and red in all the right places and she looked around the room like she’d eat us for lunch if she was hungry, which I’m sure she wasn’t. Dancers don’t usually eat- especially these kinds of dancers. I imagined myself in 20 years donning the same sort of get-up and it made me smile. She looked scary, but she was a stone cold fox… or at the very least a stone cold cougar!
Jess and I looked at each other and mouthed the words…
“Oh my God!”
to be continued...
Rhinestone has decided to write a book about all of her adventures as a dancer.
She started writing today...
The Showgirl:
I looked to my right and saw a bobbing brunette stuffed into a red leotard, tan dancer fishnets and the tallest character shoes I’d ever seen. To my left was “Miss Blonde (twenty-something) America” jammed into even higher tan character shoes. I looked down at myself; boobs pushed and squeezed and padded. My Mom once told me to wear my cleavage like jewelry- so I was giving it my best shot. All I really yearned for was to be just like Jennifer Beals from Flashdance. All I really wanted to do was do well in this audition and dance.
“Smile Fae.” I thought to myself.
“This show girl shit pays $600 a week, who cares if it’s in a cheesy casino near the Seattle airport.”
My thoughts were pulled away from me by the site of the man holding the audition, Greg Thompson. He was dressed head to toe in black, sitting with his legs slightly spread. His bunched man parts were practically smiling at me through his satiny trouser pants. His hair was almost white and groomed into an immaculate wispy Elvis poof. His sharp edged collar stood erect around his pudgy face and his tiny eyes scanned the room in search of the perfect pair of breasts.
Unbeknownst to me my eyelashes began fluttering flirtatiously in his direction.
“Who am I” I thought.
My skin crawled secretly underneath my 98 cent pantyhose. I remained calm on the outside. I’d been dancing all my life, I was about to graduate from college with a BFA in Dance. I was better than this. I was a real dancer, not a show girl. I could do this in circles around these other girls, right? I locked eyes with my best friend Jess. I’d drug her to the audition with me. We were both tired of living off student loans and evening retail jobs. We were going to make money dancing!
My thoughts were distracted once again as the choreographer walked into the room. Mistinguette. She was just like Cher. She only needed one name. Her 3 inch lavender finger nails gleamed like tiny daggers against her dramatic black pashmina. Her hair was blonde and cut short like Annie Lennox. Her makeup was black and red in all the right places and she looked around the room like she’d eat us for lunch if she was hungry, which I’m sure she wasn’t. Dancers don’t usually eat- especially these kinds of dancers. I imagined myself in 20 years donning the same sort of get-up and it made me smile. She looked scary, but she was a stone cold fox… or at the very least a stone cold cougar!
Jess and I looked at each other and mouthed the words…
“Oh my God!”
to be continued...
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
File #83 Cookies?
Today... Agent Rhinestone wishes that she Fancy, Honey, James and Nightingale owned a cookie shop... called something like... "Cookie."
They could come to work every morning wearing cute matching aprons and spend all day baking warm-sweet snacks, meeting new characters and giving away free samples to customers with cute shoes.
They could close up shop at 5 and go for happy hour and then come home to their cute husbands or Latin lovers or BF'S.
Their houses would all be next door to each other and they could talk on walkie talkies and lend each other cups of sugar or stop by when there was nothing to do on a Saturday afternoon...
On the weekend nights they would all dance together in a fancy pink nightclub and on Sunday mornings they'd all go out for brunch and the sun would always be shining.
They would say things like..."Pizazz! Fun! Tell me more! I love you! Cute! and Lunch?"
They would live happily ever after... all in the same tree lined town!
They could come to work every morning wearing cute matching aprons and spend all day baking warm-sweet snacks, meeting new characters and giving away free samples to customers with cute shoes.
They could close up shop at 5 and go for happy hour and then come home to their cute husbands or Latin lovers or BF'S.
Their houses would all be next door to each other and they could talk on walkie talkies and lend each other cups of sugar or stop by when there was nothing to do on a Saturday afternoon...
On the weekend nights they would all dance together in a fancy pink nightclub and on Sunday mornings they'd all go out for brunch and the sun would always be shining.
They would say things like..."Pizazz! Fun! Tell me more! I love you! Cute! and Lunch?"
They would live happily ever after... all in the same tree lined town!
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
File #82 Inauguration Celebration.
This morning BF Rhinestone and Agent Rhinestone were awoken at 7:45AM by Faggedy Randy dressed up as a little Indian. Randy pounced on the bed and jostled the sleeping couple awake!
Oh great.
BF and Rhinestone immediately donned their matching sweats and tennis-esque sweatbands and went downstairs to cook a breakfast of blueberry pancakes, a dong-looking meat product, scrambled eggs, toast and mimosas.
Soon after... Fancy Drew arrived followed by Johnny Boy, Rainbow and Sean. The crew cuddled in BF Rhinestone's man style living room and watched Barack Obama- as he was sworn into presidency.
Thank Goddelcakes! Swoon! Sigh! Hearts! Stars!
Agent Rhinestone just loves her some Obama in the morning... especially when it's coupled with juicy champagne, snuggling on the couch and tiny tears of joy shared with friends.
Obama... MY HERO!
Oh great.
BF and Rhinestone immediately donned their matching sweats and tennis-esque sweatbands and went downstairs to cook a breakfast of blueberry pancakes, a dong-looking meat product, scrambled eggs, toast and mimosas.
Soon after... Fancy Drew arrived followed by Johnny Boy, Rainbow and Sean. The crew cuddled in BF Rhinestone's man style living room and watched Barack Obama- as he was sworn into presidency.
Thank Goddelcakes! Swoon! Sigh! Hearts! Stars!
Agent Rhinestone just loves her some Obama in the morning... especially when it's coupled with juicy champagne, snuggling on the couch and tiny tears of joy shared with friends.
Obama... MY HERO!
File #81. Agent Rhinestone looks kinda like this today...
She woke up with giantly wild hair...managed to throw on what seems to be an outfit that includes floral prints, animal prints, browns, blacks, belts, cardigans, 2 pairs of socks, leggings and a coat and 1 pair of boots. Agent Rhinestone looks a little tired in the eyes so she topped the look off with a giant pair of red Dior sunglasses.
Hopefully Agent Rhinestone doesn't get photographed by the fashion police... actually that could be mildly interesting.
c'est la vie!
Thursday, January 08, 2009
File #80. She's got noth'n folks.
Agent Rhinestone has absolutely nothing to say.
Here are some things that aren't really worth reporting on:
Last night when Agent Rhinestone was driving home from Can Can she saw an actual large rat run across the street. Sick. When she got home she took a 4 minute bubble bath. She got too hot.
On Saturday night she and Honey Sexpot performed at a 60th Wedding Anniversary. It was so cute to see two 84 year olds still SO married and in love! sigh...
(Agent Rhinestone wondered if 84 year olds still "ya know.")
Also pretty soon Agent Rhinestone needs to buy about $500 worth of long sleeved shirts + sweaters. She has like nothing to wear but mini dresses and you can't wear mini dresses all the time. Can you?
Oh and one marginally cool thing is that Agent Rhinestone is going to be shooting an infomercial this Thursday. Soon enough she'll be seen on the late night TV... washing cars, clad in Khaki shorts. Sick!
Here are some things that aren't really worth reporting on:
Last night when Agent Rhinestone was driving home from Can Can she saw an actual large rat run across the street. Sick. When she got home she took a 4 minute bubble bath. She got too hot.
On Saturday night she and Honey Sexpot performed at a 60th Wedding Anniversary. It was so cute to see two 84 year olds still SO married and in love! sigh...
(Agent Rhinestone wondered if 84 year olds still "ya know.")
Also pretty soon Agent Rhinestone needs to buy about $500 worth of long sleeved shirts + sweaters. She has like nothing to wear but mini dresses and you can't wear mini dresses all the time. Can you?
Oh and one marginally cool thing is that Agent Rhinestone is going to be shooting an infomercial this Thursday. Soon enough she'll be seen on the late night TV... washing cars, clad in Khaki shorts. Sick!
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
File #79 New Year's eve photo journal.
Agent Rhinestone performed at Can Can in "Bling in the New Year."
with Faggedy Randy (filling in for James Blonde) and the always lovely Miss Honey Sexpot.
The audience included an all star BFF cast:
Fancy Drew:
Sparkle:
James Blonde(Brown):
(please note: we like to make funny faces on New Years.)
N. Noir:
and of course all of The Heavenly Guys were there too...
with Faggedy Randy (filling in for James Blonde) and the always lovely Miss Honey Sexpot.
The audience included an all star BFF cast:
Fancy Drew:
Sparkle:
James Blonde(Brown):
(please note: we like to make funny faces on New Years.)
N. Noir:
and of course all of The Heavenly Guys were there too...
File #78 Death by carrot stick.
Well- upon waking this morning Agent Rhinestone decided she should probably take a cue from Fancy Drew and start a 2009 work out regime.
Day 1 includes: Extreme Body Sculpt Explosion class at Rain Fitness and death by a lunch of carrot sticks.
Day 1 includes: Extreme Body Sculpt Explosion class at Rain Fitness and death by a lunch of carrot sticks.
Monday, January 05, 2009
File #77 2008/2009
2008 was kind of a sh** storm for Agent Rhinestone and her BFF counterparts.
It was complete with.. (in no particular order...)
-divorce
-moving to the other side of the country
-financial crisis
-saturn returns
to name a few...
What 2008 did was set us all up for a brilliant 2009. This is the year Agent Rhinestone and Fancy Drew turn 30. The year Obama will jam into the white house and stir up some glittery world lovliness. The year that Rhinestone will probably take some kind of fantastical vacation with some or all of her BFF's. The year James Blonde will have a wild adventure in the Big Apple. The year Honey Sexpot will buy everything she wants at West Elm. The year Nightingale Noir will feel cozy in her new home with her cute little family. The year Fancy Drew will have a new zoomed Madonna body. The year that Sparkle will realize how wonderful he is! The year that BF Rhinestone will figure out the true meaning of life balance. This is the year that Rhinestone will probably write a novel, learn a little more about herself, change her hair color, visit James Blonde in New York, remember that she loves to dance and a whole lot of other things....
Stay tuned!
It was complete with.. (in no particular order...)
-divorce
-moving to the other side of the country
-financial crisis
-saturn returns
to name a few...
What 2008 did was set us all up for a brilliant 2009. This is the year Agent Rhinestone and Fancy Drew turn 30. The year Obama will jam into the white house and stir up some glittery world lovliness. The year that Rhinestone will probably take some kind of fantastical vacation with some or all of her BFF's. The year James Blonde will have a wild adventure in the Big Apple. The year Honey Sexpot will buy everything she wants at West Elm. The year Nightingale Noir will feel cozy in her new home with her cute little family. The year Fancy Drew will have a new zoomed Madonna body. The year that Sparkle will realize how wonderful he is! The year that BF Rhinestone will figure out the true meaning of life balance. This is the year that Rhinestone will probably write a novel, learn a little more about herself, change her hair color, visit James Blonde in New York, remember that she loves to dance and a whole lot of other things....
Stay tuned!
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