File #41 and she's back...

Once again…
Agent Rhinestone forgot to blog!
She’s been so busy doing the following:

Creating an all new 80’S style show with her BFF’S.
(80's Confeidential is every Friday night through Sept at Can Can 10:30 PM!)













Swimming at Madison Beach.










Decorating her new Apartment.













Shopping at the new H & M at South Center Mall.











Kicking off a new website for Chelsey Henry.
http://www.chelseyhenry.com/

Snacking.











Watching things. (this picture is so reminiscent of Honey SexPot!)













Finding her inner Apache.












Spending Sundays at Fremont Market
http://www.fremontmarket.com/fremont/

Wishing she had a dog or a cat or a baby or just something small and cute to hold.

File #40 Agent Rhinestone's Thumb.

Agent Rhinestone has recently come to the realization that she has a text messaging problem/addiction. Her right thumb is so tender she can hardly stand to leaf through the pages of her new Vogue with Carrie and Mr. Big on the cover.

Please note:
This is her official self intervention.


ouch!

File #39 Sun or Sequin?

Is that the Sun in the sky?

Agent Rhinestone could be mistaken...

It could be yellow sequin stuck in her eye.

File #38 A Heavenly Spy Wishlist...

In addition to James Blonde's wish list for the Heavenly Spies...
view here:
http://snackblog.blogspot.com/

Agent Rhinestone would like to add...

An unlimited supply of level 3 odorless spray tans.


35 pounds of ardel fashion lashes (custom made with actual human hairs.)


A handful of rare sparkling diamonds.



100 new pairs of fishnets.


and enough AquaNet to create a sizeable hole in the ozone...
(This way Agent Rhinestone will never have to go lay in a tanning bed again!)


P.S. Who knew wishlists could provide so much fun!

File #37 Agent Rhinestone in her Parrot costume?

uguyf


It's like Valley of the Dolls meets Birdcage!
SWOON.

File #36 Summer Prep Tips from Agent Rhinestone.

1. Time to clean out your closet. Get rid of all those unsightly sweaters and long sleeved tee's you never wore over the winter. If you haven't worn it for a year- you'll never wear it again! Toss it to your BFF's at the Goodwill.

2. Hold off on getting rid of those summer clothes! You don't know what kind of mood you'll be in this coming summer!
Hobo chic?
Naughty and Nautical?
Whimsical and Whatever?

3. Start a litle fitness routine now- you'll thank yourself on the first day of bikini season.

4. Begin growing out your (hmmm) so you can begin a regular wax routine.

5. Start looking for your favorite new accessory to buy for the upcoming season.

Agent Rhinestone likes:
Betsey Johnson's new "Frey" sandal.


and...

Juicy Couture's new "Gossip" shoulder bag.


6. Last but not least...start planning all the fun you're gonna have!

File #35 The Jaeger Bomb

Agent Rhinestone recently learned about something so appalling!
That something is called "The Jaeger Bomb."

The Jaeger Bomb calls for 2 ingredients:

You drop Specimen A: The Jaeger into Specimen B: The Red Bull.

Then you drink it as fast as possible and try not to vomit.
SOMETHING YOU WILL NEVER FIND AGENT RHINESTONE DOING IS A JAEGER BOMB. EW!

File #34 letter.

Dear 2 fanged Spider (that lives in Agent Rhinestone's apartment,)

Please stop biting Rhinestone's leg while she is sleeping. If you continue... she will have to ask you to pack your suitcases and move in with her neighbor that snores most of the night.

Best Wishes,

A.Rhinestone I

File # 33 I'll be your Hugh Hefner.

single, in shape and financially secure?

APPROVED!


*names have been changed to protect the innocent.

File # 32 The Spies + THE ROCK (99.9)

Dear Readers of the Blog that Agent Rhinestone forgot she had...


The Heavenly Spies were on 99.9 (The B.J Shea Morning Show.)

There is now proof on the actual internets that Agent Rhinestone is prone to spacing out and making weird faces while on camera.

Sigh.

File #31 It's not a crime to drink your weight in Bud Light on a Monday evening...

...but on Tuesday morning you may be forced to go out and buy this album.


(I mean, Agent Rhinestone would never do something like drink Bud Light on a Monday. She only drinks pink champagne with a bendy straw on the weekends.)

Tres Chic.

File # 30 Peep Show.

Be there or be square.

xoxo,
Agent Rhinestone

File #29 Mamma Rhinestone...

#1 Mamma Rhinestone is Agent Rhinestone's Mother. She often smells like white shoulders perfume and rose oil.

#2 She was once a belly dancer named "Mimosa." She made her own fancy beaded bras and twirling circle skirts.

#3 She used to have a red bicycle named Dorothy.

#4 She now drives a green car that she calls "Picklette." (She bought Picklette to match the trim of her house.)

#5 One time in a restaurant called "The Moon of Tunis"...she did a fancy belly dance back bend and got her earring stuck to her ankle bracelet. An entourage of her admirers had to help set her free.

Sigh.

File #28 Dear Ultra,

Dear Ultra,

Manolo Blahnik has created a special line of shoes just for you. I mean...I'm pretty sure ya'all are a match made in heaven.



xoxo,

Agent Rhinestone

P.S OMG SHOES!

File #27 Tips to stay warm in Seattle

1.It's most likely raining outside- make sure to bring your leopard print umbrella with you wherever you go. (Although actually using an umbrella is like so 1997.)

2. Go to your local shoe store and purchase a pair of giant fuzzy UGG type boots. Buy them 1 size too big and layer 2 pairs of fuzzy socks underneath.

3. Buy a new package of designer hot chocolate and sip it with friends. If no designer hot chocolate is available- booze will do.

4.Rhinestone knows it sounds horrible but... sometimes it feels nice to go lay in a tanning bed.

5. Bikram Yoga! Try it...you'll be so warm, you'll never want to leave.

6. Take at least 2 hot showers or baths per day.

7. Move somewhere warm.

File #26 Almost Thanksgiving.

This year Agent Rhinestone will attempt to prepare some vegan Thanksgivnig cuisine for her Tofurkey Day dinner guests...

Here is her stellar recipe for Garlic Mashed Potatoes....(even though she isn't too fond of garlic.)

Vegan Garlic Mashed Potatoes
• 6 pounds russet potatoes
• 2 heads garlic, tops trimmed off
• 1 stick soy margarine, room temperature
• 1 tsp salt
• 1 to 2 cups soymilk, warmed
• 2 Tbs fresh parsley, chopped
• freshly ground black pepper, to taste

Directions:
Pour youreself a glass of Shiraz!
Put on your favorite apron. Agent Rhinestone likes to wear a shear apron with yellow rose appliques!

Heat oven to 350°.

Wrap garlic heads in tinfoil and cook in oven until cloves are soft and kinda mushy, (about 50 minutes or whatever.)

While garlic is roasting, wash and peel potatoes....and apply some fresh lipstick.

Drop them into a pot of cold water (make sure the potatoes are completely immersed).

Add salt and bring to a boil. Simmer until nice and tender, then drain.
Heat the soymilk over low heat.

Beat potatoes, adding warm soymilk gradually, until the desired consistency is reached.

Squeeze head of garlic so that the mushy cloves slide out. eeeeeew!

Add to potatoes, beat. You can also ask the man of the house to do this part for you because it can sometimes be so tiresome!

Season with salt and pepper to taste.

Ta da!

File #25 And then there were none....

Not this week...but the week before...

Agent Rhinestone played Dorothy in a production called Viva Oz Vegas.


Her BFF Ultra played the Wicked Witch.


And her Heavenly Spy BFFFFFF's played the dazzling Lullaby League...


To make a long story short...

Something SO embarrassing happened.
Agent Rhinestone had the 1st time experience of having not just one- but both of her pasties fall off during her fight scene with the Wicked Witch...

She tried her absolute hardest to keep her hands over her rack while swinging punches at the Witch...but in the end she gave up and flashed the audience her bare bits.

TA DA!

In conclusion....
(Here is James Blonde pictured with Agent Rhinestone's favorite snack.)

File #24 Rhinestone and Mean Man.

Imagine a Halloween party....wrought with fantastically elaborate costumed humans, a candy mountain, a jail full of little hot people, dancing go go boys with abs like gods and 4 heavenly spies dressed like matching assassin ninjas.

Rhinestone was having such a good time she forgot that there were actual mean people in the world. At the beginning of the night there was this man chatting her up. She chatted with him casually about real estate or some such nonsense. After 2 minutes of conversation she was clearly uninterested by his small talk and burningman style hat. She made an excuse about powdering her nose and sauntered off to find her Heavenly Spy BFF's.

Sometime...later in the evening the bar ran out of vodka! At that same moment Agent Rhinestone ran smack dab into the man wearing the burningman-esque hat. To her amazement he was carrying a full bottle of Vodka- that he had stolen from the bar. She politely asked if she could borrow the bottle to mix herself a drink. He quickly agreed saying.. "Take the whole bottle."

Agent Rhinestone of course could not drink an entire bottle- so she mixed herself and Double Oh Sassy and maybe a few other strangers a cocktail....then promptly returned the half full bottle to the strange man in the bad hat.

As she handed him the bottle...he looked her straight in the eye and said


"You are rude."
Agent Rhinestone was horrified!
She looked at him square in his blobby face and said "I am not!"
"You are the rudest bitch I have ever met, You can't just steal people's vodka, Who in the hell do you think you are?" he said...
Then James Blonde stepped in...
"You are the one that's rude." She said...
He looked at her square in her beautiful face and said "You think you're funny... but you're not."
"Oh my word....that was over the top....everybody knows that James Blonde is the funniest person that ever existed!" thought Agent Rhinestone out loud....
Then Double Oh Sassy sauntered over and said
"Dirty Martini, Dirty Bastard!" and threw her drink in his face.
Agent Rhinestone stepped on his toe and said... "Your hat is ugly."
James Blonde tossed him over her shoulder and threw him outta that party so fast he didn't know what hit him....
Nobody fucks with the Heavenly Spies!

File #23 She's just a little black rain cloud.

Agent Rhinestone is feeling quite dismal today.

In order to cheer herself up she will partake in the following activities...

1. paint her toenails hot glitter red.
2. call her bff Sparkle and chatter a steady stream of nonsense in his ear.
3. go to the laundry mat with a do rag in her hair and play solitaire...while her frilly underthings spin and spin in the spin cycle.
4. sip a cup of tea and and perhaps have a good cry about life.
5. call bff's James Blonde, Double Oh Sassy and Honey Sexpot to cheer her up.
6. after 5...she may even have a martini. (Even though Martini's are totally gross.)

File #22 Agent Rhinestone says... "Watch this!"

File #21 Agent Rhinestone and the Optimists

Agent Rhinestone stepped out of the shower at half past 8 on Tuesday morning and heard a knock at her front door.
"Who knocks on the door at this hour?" She thought as she looked down at her half dressed self. She crept down the stairs and peeked out the window. What stood before her was absolutely horrifying!

Two grown women wearing knee length floral motif dresses, toting handbags from the early 90's and navy blue leather bound books.

"God Dammit!" Agent Rhinestone cursed as she opened the door.

"Good Morning."Said the small mousy one with a grotesque smudge of mauve lipstick on her two front teeth.

"Sorry to bother you when you have obviously not had a chance to dress for the day."

"Umm, yeah!" Agent Rhinestone said with an attempted smile.

" We are here to spread the word of Optimism!" Said the one wearing brown loafers with black opaque tights.

"No Thanks" Said Agent Rhinestone half politely as she slammed the door in their over blushed faces.

Agent Rhinestone was absolutely appalled that someone would try to sell her optimism before she'd had her half caf. cappuccino with soy. What is the world coming to...

File #20...The Stranger + Heavenly Spies = LOVE

Agent Rhinestone is just delighted to announce that THE STRANGER seemed to love the Heavenly Spies.

"... in Camp Heavenly Spies...Dane Ballard dresses as a camp counselor and plays guitar as he introduces the spies—Agent Rhinestone, James Blonde, and Double Oh Sassy. It's some of the best burlesque in town. In an hour and a half, there was a scimitar battle, a shower scene, and a genius take on Spy vs. Spy comic strips, wherein two spies, one in white and one in black, try to blow each other up, and succeed only in stripping off each other's clothes."

This message will self-destruct in 10 seconds.

p.s

Isn't planet Unicorn like so funny. I'm a ROCK.

File #19 CAMP Heavenly Spies

After winning Exotic World...Agent Rhinestone and her BFF spy cohorts went to summer camp.

File #18 Agent Rhinestone is back....

Umm- Hello!
Agent Rhinestone was on a bit of a hiatus and forgot to blog all summer long. If you could see her tan you would understand.
Most importantly...
The Heavenly Spies won "Best Duo" at the Exotic World Pageant in Las Vegas.

File #17

Agent Rhinestone was to just tickled to discover that she'd be participating in the Miss Exotic World Pageant with her spy and BFF counterpart Miss James Blonde....

Our acceptance letter is as follows:

Hello Agents of the Heavenly Spies,

Thank you for applying to participate in the BEST DUO category at the 2008 Miss Exotic World Pageant--and for your patience as the Selection Committee reviewed each and every single application. We know the wait has been rough, so without further ado… CONGRATULATIONS!

Your score has placed you in TOP 4 for your category—which is no small feat, considering that we received over 230 applications from all over the world (literally!).

Kindly let us know ASAP whether or not you are still willing and able to participate in the show, so we can finalize the lineup and begin to promote your participation in this historic event! Thanks again and see you in June,

Laura Herbert
On behalf of The Exotic World Burlesque Hall of Fame

File #16. The Spies in Exotic Underground!

FILE #15 L.A.M.B

Last night Agent Rhinestone dreamt that she found a tiny, pink polka dot, real life… lamb! She scooped it up into her arms and cuddled it like a friend. When she looked into its eyes- the lamb smiled and had a perfect row of white teeth. Upon looking a bit closer she realized that the glad little lamb looked very similar to her BFF James Blonde.
Agent Rhinestone woke up this morning feeling quite sad and disappointed that she didn’t actually have a pet pink polka dotted lamb. Thank god she has James Blonde!

HA HA.

File #14: Las Vegas and Agent Rhinestone.

Agent Rhinestone loves the glitzy ritz and flashy bits in Vegas…..she loves it mostly when she is with her fellow spies. Somehow Lady Rhinestone was sent to Vegas all alone this time- for work of all dreadful things.
Of course she’s fine lounging in the Flamingo’s refurnished flats nibbling room service snacks and taking long bubbly baths….but she hates to be alone.

If you were a butterfly on her wall right now you’d see…..

Agent Rhinestone laying on her California Queen bed staring forlornly out of her picture window wondering...”Why me, why must I be here amongst all that glitters, all by myself.” She’s snuggling into her pink satin PJ’s and nuzzling her cheek against her black feathered sleeping boa. She’s taking a little white doll, having a sip of champagne and falling into a peaceful dreamy sleep for at least 8 hours maybe 10.


Goodnight….

File #13...Super Bowl for Women

On Sunday Agent Rhinestone prepared her cozy refinished basement for an all out…all women super bowl party. The guest list was brimming with infamous invitee’s such as Rhinestone’s BFF Double oh Sassy and like... Madonna.

Agent Rhinestone decorated her home with glitter puffy paint signs that read “Women Only” and “Super Bowl 2007.”
She laid out elaborate spreads of rice crispy treats and fantastically displayed bowls of chips and dips.
She even baked a pink cake in the shape of a football…but nobody ate it because it was so fancy!


Double Oh came over at promptly 2: PM, toting silver Nordstrom bags full of matching sweat suits and numerous bottles of Sofia Coppola champagne. The girls climbed into their funky fab outfits and hunkered down for an epic snack fest and football extravaganza.


The Football part never actually happened…instead the girls pulled out their matching boxes of tissues and watched Sandra Bullock in “Hope Floats.” Yes, my friends….they turned Super Bowl Sunday into an all out chick flick festival.

So much different from last year when Agent Rhinestone was actually on the field clad in a cheerleading uniform…dancing with “The Rolling Stones!”

Warning: Parts of this Blog could have been embellished or exaggerated for no reason whatsoever.

xoxo

File #12: Agent Rhinestone loves the following....

1.delicious lazy naps on a Saturday afternoon…or any afternoon for that matter.

2.crisp sour dough toast with margarine and a cup of sweet tea… consumed slowly while day dreaming or watching “sex in the city” for the umpteenth time.

3.organizing her closet and then inviting friends over to look at her shoes and drink champagne with a straw from a can.

4.the quarter lounge patio in the winter with her fellow spies.

5.pink faux uggs worn with camo sweat pants. (True glamour can be portrayed with mascara, lip gloss and a fantastic manicure.)

Agent Rhinestone despises the following things:

1.bad smells of all kinds

2.feeling twinges of hunger. When in doubt….snacks are a girls best friend.

3.loosing her keys, mind, way or favorite pair of shoes.

4.paying unnecessary bills like student loans, credit cards and parking tickets. Being a grown up is so boring sometimes!

5.Agent Rhinestone hates to clean in all ways shapes and forms. A lady should never be expected to clean her own house- it is positively dreadful!